In the Storms of Life

When I was an energetic teenager in the youth group at church, I loved to do skits. A skit a friend and I did numerous times was one called, "Not My Jesus."

In the skit, my friend and I played 2 friends 

who were discussing who Jesus was. 

Each time we came up with an "image" of who Jesus was, 

we acted out a scene to portray that character.

The first images were ones that did not accurately portray Jesus, and the scene was performed to demonstrate the absurdity. We ended each scene by saying, 

"That's not my Jesus." 

It ultimately came down to one of the characters thinking about the "storms of life" and the new scene began. In this scene we were fisher-women on a boat when a storm hit. We panic and ask "Where's Jesus?" And miraculously, Jesus comes and calms the storm. 

That's my Jesus.

This may have been a funny skit we performed, but the meaning behind it still rings true for me today. Some days it rains, some days it pours, and some days it just downright storms. No matter how dark or sunny the days seem, God always has a way of reminding me of His presence. He does not leave me in these overwhelming times. Sometimes He chooses to calm the storm when I turn my focus on Him; but sometimes, He chooses to calm my soul so that I can make it through the storm still intact. 

Today was one of those overwhelming days that had been an accumulation of days prior. My day began when I woke up hearing my big girls arguing over who was going to go to the potty first. Thing 1 was willing to let Thing 2 go first, but Thing 2 was crying and refusing to get off her bed until someone carried her to the bathroom. Good morning to me. Our morning followed suit with their bickering and ugliness towards one another. They have also fallen into a habit of simply ignoring direct instructions and being disobedient. Thing 3 was ready for her nap, so I slipped away to the bedroom to get her down for her nap. Every time I made any progress in getting her to sleep, one of the big girls would come in and ask me to do something - completely ignoring my gestures and requests to be quiet and leave the room until I had her asleep. Of course by this time, Thing 3 was overtired because we missed the magic window of getting her to sleep before she was tired enough to fight sleep. So now she was in full on screaming mode and absolutely nothing I did calmed her. It was definitely time for Mommy to have a time out. I decided that if she was going to scream while I was holding her, it wouldn't do her any harm to scream in her bed for a few minutes while I had a glass of tea - and vented to Daddy via text message. 

Oh and did I mention I now had a headache?

After drinking some tea, I went to check on Thing 2 who had been in the bathroom for a very long time. There I found her mostly naked and filling up the bathroom sink, with water all over. Really?! I spoke harshly towards her and sent her out of the bathroom while I cleaned up the mess. I made my way to Thing 3 and was finally able to pat her to sleep. 

By this time Thing 1 and 2 were happily playing in their room and Thing 3 was sleeping, so I returned to my glass of tea and decided to read the devotional I received in my email. It was titled Learn to Love Your Story (click to read the devotional). Couldn't help but chuckle at the title considering I was ready to go back to bed and start today all over again (and it wasn't even lunch time yet). As I started reading, I felt like I could have been reading about a day in my life. It was definitely one of those moments that reminded me God was present. He knew exactly where I was, and sent me His word in a message with which I could relate at the precise moment I needed it.

I don't believe it was coincidence. 

Sure. Storms will hit my house. 

There will be many days I am ready to 

rewind and start all over again. 

But in the midst of these stormy days, 

there will be many beautiful moments. 

Even today, with as crazy as it was ...

... my big girls painted my toe nails.

... we painted Thing 3's toes for the first time.

... I heard "I love you, Mommy." 

... I had an opportunity to humble myself and show my children how to apologize.

... I got to snuggle my wee baby girl.

... I got to go bowling with my girls, and see how much they have grown in their skills since beginning the league 10 weeks ago.

... I watched my girls run around in the rain wearing bathing suits.

... I had dinner done at the time I wanted us to have dinner.

... we had extra time to hang out with girls before bedtime because dinner was on time.

... my hubby cleaned up after dinner and even did some laundry for me while I cuddled a sleeping baby.

I am sure my list could continue. 

As well, I could create a list that showed 

the stormy part of my evening, 

but why would I want to do that?

I don't think this is my last stormy day in this season of life, but God is working to calm my soul. He is teaching me to love my story even when the clouds are gray. If I look hard enough, I am sure to see a rainbow.

"When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Silence! Be still!' Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm."

Mark 4:39 

Good-bye SuperMom

I know. I know. 

SuperMom does not exist. 

So why do I try to be her? 

It has only been 68 days since my body brought forth a brand new human being. The entire process of creating this new person took approximately 280 days. 280 days of changing my hormones, stretching my body in ways that don't seem possible, exhausting my body's energy reserves, and overall changing me into a new mommy - again. These past 68 days only equate to about 1/4 of the time it took to miraculously make our beautiful daughter. 

Can I really expect my body, my hormones, my energy, and my emotions to be back to "normal"?

And not only is my body working on figuring out its new normal, we now have to figure out how to function as a family with 3 kids. It has been almost 4 years since we last had a baby in our house. Either my brain is foggy from all the time passed between our 2nd and 3rd babies, or this little lady cries more, nurses more, needs to be held more, and will only sleep with Mommy more than the other two. Did the first two really scream if Daddy held them? 

I guess if I think really hard and am truly honest, yes my babies were all needy.

 But then again, they are babies. 

 They NEED their mommy.

It is okay that we have days of just sitting on the couch because the growing-like-a-weed two month old NEEDS nourishment to help her growing body. 

It is okay if I can't get much done because I am holding a wee one who NEEDS to feel the security of being close to Mommy - in turn, learning how to trust. 

More importantly, learning how to trust that Mommy will always be there to meet her needs and take care of her. 

It is okay to snuggle with a sleeping baby because she NEEDS to hear my heartbeat and smell my scent to help her sleep - after all, she will only need this kind of comfort for a short span of her life. 

It is even okay that my big girls are spending more time learning how to entertain themselves, get along, and learn the responsibility of being Mommy's big helper because the baby NEEDS Mommy in ways they don't anymore. 

When they were each babies, I sat with them, held them, snuggled their sleeping bodies, and allowed my world to revolve around each of them while they were helpless babes in need of their mommy. Now a new babe has joined our family in need of her mommy in the same exact ways. And for the time being, we do whatever we need to do to meet the needs that need to be met, and survive this season with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and even self-control.

I must make a confession. My days have not been filled with all those virtues. I have been hard on myself for not being able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes comfortably yet. I have been hard on myself for not being on routine yet. I have been impatient with my loved ones. I have been hard on myself for not keeping my house clean. I have even been hard on myself for stressing over these things and being impatient with myself. Don't you love that? 

Being impatient with myself for not being patient with myself. 

I think I just need to give myself grace all around.

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. 

My power works best in weakness.'

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, 

so that the power of Christ can work through me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

Month of Thankfulness: Day 15

I am thankful for moments to laugh and cherish 

as memories forever.

Oh and cake!

Before everyone found out that Katelyn is a girl, I really wanted to try my hand at making a reveal cake, much like this one ...

We already planned for family to come over that Friday night (the first night everyone could get together). Except, come Friday, everyone already knew what we were having - taking away the need for this cake. But I really had my heart set on making this cake (or at least trying to make it).

I decided that since the following Tuesday was Papa's birthday, I would still make a cake. And as an added surprise - I was still going to hide the candies we bought inside the cake. (The girls had already been looking forward to putting the pink bottle candies inside the cake.)

I let the girls help me make the cake - which included choosing colors. Of course, they settled on pink and purple. I got some white icing to do the outside in, but was quickly informed there needed to be purple icing on the outside too - so it turned into a mix of purple and white. Purple icing in the middle, and two layers had pink batter, and two layers had purple batter, with pretty candies in the middle. Quite the girly cake for Papa's birthday. (I am bummed I never took a picture of the finished product).

I left the tall, heavy cake on the cake stand on the kitchen counter while we all ate dinner. As the last few people were finishing up, Kathryn disappeared into the kitchen. Not long after, she crept up to Daddy and whispered, "Umm .. I need help."

Daddy followed her to the kitchen and found this:

 

 

She said, "I wanted to bring the cake to everyone."

She was heartbroken. She genuinely was excited and wanted to help by bringing the cake out for Papa. Unfortunately, once she got the cake stand off the counter, the cake proved to be too heavy and toppled off the cake stand.

We salvaged what we could ...

And brought it to Papa ... 

Singing "Happy Birthday"

I am sure this is the most girly birthday cake he has ever received.

And sadly, I still don't know if the "reveal cake" would have worked properly.

But it sure made for some fun times and laughs.

Poor Kathryn will never live this moment down.

But she was just precious. No way you could be upset with her.

Thank you family for sharing moments to laugh and cherish with us.

Month of Thankfulness: Day 14

I am thankful for ... 

Baby Girl Clothes!

Not even a week after we learned that the little one kicking me from the inside is a girl, we were blessed with baby girl clothes! Friends from church had some clothes that used to be their granddaughters' clothes, and they held on to them waiting to see if I was going to have a girl or not. They invited me over to look through them and pick out what I wanted. 

I was in heaven. My heart was filled with joy looking through all these tiny little clothes. Baby girl clothes are just so precious, and I can't help but think about what my little girl will look like in these precious clothes!

 Not only was it fun just looking at the cute little girl clothes, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw a couple outfits that were the same that I used to have when Kathryn was a baby.

 Not knowing what was in store for us, and wanting to bless others, we had gotten rid of all our baby girl clothes from Carissa and Kathryn. So when I saw ones that are the same, I was filled with joy. Now Katelyn can at least have a couple outfits that were the same. This particular outfit that Kathryn is holding was the same one she wore when we had newborn professional photos taken. I am really looking forward to having newborn photos of Katelyn in this dress!

When I arrived home with the new clothes, Miss Big Sister Kathryn was the most excited to look through them. She went to work methodically sorting them out and looking at each one. She "oohed" and "ahhed" over  the adorable little clothes, and occasionally would inform me, "This is the one I am going to pick out for Katelyn to wear."

That is right. 

Katelyn will become Kathryn's little doll to dress up. 

For so long, Kathryn was not thrilled about the idea of another baby. At first she was, but when she quickly realized it meant she would no longer be the baby and that she would have to share Mommy with another baby, she began to protest the idea of being a big sister.

As time came closer to learn the gender, Kathryn decided she would be happy only if we were having a girl.

As you can imagine, she is beyond thrilled about a little girl. When baby girl clothes came into our house, I was able to see her finally jump on board and be excited about being a big sister. Totally did this Mommy's heart good.

Not only am I thankful to our friends for blessing us with baby girl clothes, but I am thankful that these baby girl clothes helped my little Kathryn find the joy in being a Big Sister!