In the Storms of Life

When I was an energetic teenager in the youth group at church, I loved to do skits. A skit a friend and I did numerous times was one called, "Not My Jesus."

In the skit, my friend and I played 2 friends 

who were discussing who Jesus was. 

Each time we came up with an "image" of who Jesus was, 

we acted out a scene to portray that character.

The first images were ones that did not accurately portray Jesus, and the scene was performed to demonstrate the absurdity. We ended each scene by saying, 

"That's not my Jesus." 

It ultimately came down to one of the characters thinking about the "storms of life" and the new scene began. In this scene we were fisher-women on a boat when a storm hit. We panic and ask "Where's Jesus?" And miraculously, Jesus comes and calms the storm. 

That's my Jesus.

This may have been a funny skit we performed, but the meaning behind it still rings true for me today. Some days it rains, some days it pours, and some days it just downright storms. No matter how dark or sunny the days seem, God always has a way of reminding me of His presence. He does not leave me in these overwhelming times. Sometimes He chooses to calm the storm when I turn my focus on Him; but sometimes, He chooses to calm my soul so that I can make it through the storm still intact. 

Today was one of those overwhelming days that had been an accumulation of days prior. My day began when I woke up hearing my big girls arguing over who was going to go to the potty first. Thing 1 was willing to let Thing 2 go first, but Thing 2 was crying and refusing to get off her bed until someone carried her to the bathroom. Good morning to me. Our morning followed suit with their bickering and ugliness towards one another. They have also fallen into a habit of simply ignoring direct instructions and being disobedient. Thing 3 was ready for her nap, so I slipped away to the bedroom to get her down for her nap. Every time I made any progress in getting her to sleep, one of the big girls would come in and ask me to do something - completely ignoring my gestures and requests to be quiet and leave the room until I had her asleep. Of course by this time, Thing 3 was overtired because we missed the magic window of getting her to sleep before she was tired enough to fight sleep. So now she was in full on screaming mode and absolutely nothing I did calmed her. It was definitely time for Mommy to have a time out. I decided that if she was going to scream while I was holding her, it wouldn't do her any harm to scream in her bed for a few minutes while I had a glass of tea - and vented to Daddy via text message. 

Oh and did I mention I now had a headache?

After drinking some tea, I went to check on Thing 2 who had been in the bathroom for a very long time. There I found her mostly naked and filling up the bathroom sink, with water all over. Really?! I spoke harshly towards her and sent her out of the bathroom while I cleaned up the mess. I made my way to Thing 3 and was finally able to pat her to sleep. 

By this time Thing 1 and 2 were happily playing in their room and Thing 3 was sleeping, so I returned to my glass of tea and decided to read the devotional I received in my email. It was titled Learn to Love Your Story (click to read the devotional). Couldn't help but chuckle at the title considering I was ready to go back to bed and start today all over again (and it wasn't even lunch time yet). As I started reading, I felt like I could have been reading about a day in my life. It was definitely one of those moments that reminded me God was present. He knew exactly where I was, and sent me His word in a message with which I could relate at the precise moment I needed it.

I don't believe it was coincidence. 

Sure. Storms will hit my house. 

There will be many days I am ready to 

rewind and start all over again. 

But in the midst of these stormy days, 

there will be many beautiful moments. 

Even today, with as crazy as it was ...

... my big girls painted my toe nails.

... we painted Thing 3's toes for the first time.

... I heard "I love you, Mommy." 

... I had an opportunity to humble myself and show my children how to apologize.

... I got to snuggle my wee baby girl.

... I got to go bowling with my girls, and see how much they have grown in their skills since beginning the league 10 weeks ago.

... I watched my girls run around in the rain wearing bathing suits.

... I had dinner done at the time I wanted us to have dinner.

... we had extra time to hang out with girls before bedtime because dinner was on time.

... my hubby cleaned up after dinner and even did some laundry for me while I cuddled a sleeping baby.

I am sure my list could continue. 

As well, I could create a list that showed 

the stormy part of my evening, 

but why would I want to do that?

I don't think this is my last stormy day in this season of life, but God is working to calm my soul. He is teaching me to love my story even when the clouds are gray. If I look hard enough, I am sure to see a rainbow.

"When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Silence! Be still!' Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm."

Mark 4:39 

Good-bye SuperMom

I know. I know. 

SuperMom does not exist. 

So why do I try to be her? 

It has only been 68 days since my body brought forth a brand new human being. The entire process of creating this new person took approximately 280 days. 280 days of changing my hormones, stretching my body in ways that don't seem possible, exhausting my body's energy reserves, and overall changing me into a new mommy - again. These past 68 days only equate to about 1/4 of the time it took to miraculously make our beautiful daughter. 

Can I really expect my body, my hormones, my energy, and my emotions to be back to "normal"?

And not only is my body working on figuring out its new normal, we now have to figure out how to function as a family with 3 kids. It has been almost 4 years since we last had a baby in our house. Either my brain is foggy from all the time passed between our 2nd and 3rd babies, or this little lady cries more, nurses more, needs to be held more, and will only sleep with Mommy more than the other two. Did the first two really scream if Daddy held them? 

I guess if I think really hard and am truly honest, yes my babies were all needy.

 But then again, they are babies. 

 They NEED their mommy.

It is okay that we have days of just sitting on the couch because the growing-like-a-weed two month old NEEDS nourishment to help her growing body. 

It is okay if I can't get much done because I am holding a wee one who NEEDS to feel the security of being close to Mommy - in turn, learning how to trust. 

More importantly, learning how to trust that Mommy will always be there to meet her needs and take care of her. 

It is okay to snuggle with a sleeping baby because she NEEDS to hear my heartbeat and smell my scent to help her sleep - after all, she will only need this kind of comfort for a short span of her life. 

It is even okay that my big girls are spending more time learning how to entertain themselves, get along, and learn the responsibility of being Mommy's big helper because the baby NEEDS Mommy in ways they don't anymore. 

When they were each babies, I sat with them, held them, snuggled their sleeping bodies, and allowed my world to revolve around each of them while they were helpless babes in need of their mommy. Now a new babe has joined our family in need of her mommy in the same exact ways. And for the time being, we do whatever we need to do to meet the needs that need to be met, and survive this season with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and even self-control.

I must make a confession. My days have not been filled with all those virtues. I have been hard on myself for not being able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes comfortably yet. I have been hard on myself for not being on routine yet. I have been impatient with my loved ones. I have been hard on myself for not keeping my house clean. I have even been hard on myself for stressing over these things and being impatient with myself. Don't you love that? 

Being impatient with myself for not being patient with myself. 

I think I just need to give myself grace all around.

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. 

My power works best in weakness.'

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, 

so that the power of Christ can work through me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

A Year in a Blink

I closed my eyes for just a second and when I opened them an entire year had passed.
Well, that's how it feels anyway.
Shamefully, I neglected this blog this past year. So much has changed from a year ago, that I always felt I couldn't just "pick up where I left off" ... it needed some segue, so I procrastinated. (What else is new?)
So here I am to try and pick back up, ready for a New Year.

In 2011, we moved to Virginia from North Carolina. We now live with David's grandmother (we help her with the cooking and cleaning and such :)) in the house that David's parents own. We have been so blessed with this living arrangement because we have been unsuccessful with selling or renting our North Carolina house.
In 2011, we joined the church that David went to as a youth - the church that took him to World Changers back in 2000 when we met :) ... It is such a wonderful place to worship God without feeling like it has become a duty, rather it is a delight. I have joined the choir, and ensemble, and help lead the Preschool choir. The girls are enjoying their classes as well. Carissa loves preschool choir, Sunday school, and Mission Friends. And David is a member of the Hand Bell choir. We very much enjoy our young marrieds' Sunday school class, and have made wonderful new friends. Such a blessing!
In 2011, David FINALLY got a job with his degree - making about what we were both making combined in 2010. He enjoys his job and is currently studying to work on getting certifications so he can continue to move up in his field! What an answer to prayers!
In 2011, I developed a love (and discovered a talent) for sewing! I started out with sewing (and selling) cloth diapers! I learned a lot from that experience! Biggest lesson was that if I am going to run a WAHM business, I have to make it fit my family - not make my family fit my business. I began by taking custom orders, only to realize how huge the demand was! I absolutely could not keep up! My poor children and the condition of my home were neglected miserably, and I was so stressed trying to get all the diapers finished in a timely manner for customers. On top of all of that, I hit a few bumps along the way with the functionality of the diapers that I had to fix and ended up replacing diapers. Yow! Can you say OVERWHELMED? I had to take a huge step back. I attempted to get caught up and then create a stock. I had a lot of people anxious for me to "reopen" so I set a date for them, only I wasn't ready in time. I worked round the clock and stressed myself out to get a decent stock made (and still didn't finish what I'd hoped to), and half of what I did finish sold almost immediately. But whenever I pushed myself to make a lot of diapers to meet a deadline, I crashed and burned and the idea of sewing more diapers did not appeal to me. So I took another step back, and have pretty much just set that business aside - temporarily.  I started sewing other things for fun to rekindle my love of creating. I have decided that I do not want to limit myself to just sewing cloth diapers. I want to be able to enjoy making a variety of items - at my own pace. So now I plan to SLOWLY work on building a "boutique" of sorts - and I will open ONLY when I am completely satisfied with my available stock, and have my patterns and kinks worked out. (Check out my sewing blog for the latest on my projects: Sewtastic Fun )

In 2011, I became a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. While I thoroughly enjoy my sewing businesses, I have to put in a lot of time to make much of a profit right now. Some pieces of the puzzle came together and this opportunity opened up for me. I really enjoy this! It has been slow going for me as of yet (but I truly don't want to burn out on something else on my plate). I am working on getting things organized and ready to make the most of 2012 - and hopefully start having consistent events so that I can start adding to our family's income.

In 2011, we celebrated Kathryn's 1st Birthday and Carissa's 3rd birthday! My how they are growing up SO quickly!!! Both of them are extremely talkative - really ... I don't have any idea where they could have picked that up ;) .... Hmm. They are super sisters. They truly love each other and are always thinking of the other. I will have to post future blogs to highlight their development and personalities because I could write a lot about them! They are my pride and joy for sure! :)

In 2011,  God had taught me one major lesson: I need to stop trying to leave the season of life God has me in, because He has me here for a reason. Instead, I need to step back and see Him at work. I have seen countless accounts of God showing me the reason we are where we are. This was not what we had planned by any means, and it was not the best of circumstances that headed us down this path. But all of 2010, I ignored what I knew in my gut God was telling me to do, and I was miserable. Allowing Him to take the reigns and just trusting that He will provide has proven to be the best thing ever. Our life is 100x better this year than it was last year, and I owe Him all the praise! I know we are still on a journey. But I feel my trust, my faith, and my patience have all grown a lot in the last year! I know God has big things in store for us! And I am anxiously looking forward to all that 2012 has in store for us!! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

Diapers ...

... Cloth Diapers that is!

So almost 3 years ago (when I found out I was pregnant with my sweet Carissa) if you had said "Cloth Diapers" to me, I would have immediately thought about the cloth diapers my mom used on my brother when we were little. Not what I wanted to attempt. So I never gave cloth diapers a second thought.

Here I am - 6 months after having my second child and was introduced to the new world of cloth diapers.

I am apart of an online community for moms who all were due in June 2010. We all talk on a daily basis via facebook. Many of these moms use cloth diapers and talk about how much they love them. I started researching cloth diapers and was amazed at how much they have changed since I was little.

One of my mommy friends went back to work full time, which left her cloth diapering only part time. She decided to bless me and my family by sending us enough cloth diapers to get us started that she no longer was using! What a blessing!

Tomorrow will conclude our entire first week of exclusive cloth diapering. I could not imagine using disposables again. I am still learning things, and I am developing my own preferences. We plan to use the money we save each month on diapers and wet wipes (Yes! I am using cloth wipes as well!!) to buy more cloth diapers and wipes until we have a nice collection of the ones we like.

So here are some things I am learning.

Everyone has their own preferences.

Some moms swear by certain brands or styles, while others have nothing good to say about those same brands. If I poll a group of cloth diapering moms, I will get 20 different answers for what is recommended or their favorites. And I am already seeing how my own preferences are differing from those.

My preferences:

Velcro is the way to go! 

My child does not stay laying on her back for longer than 2 seconds ever. Definitely makes changing diapers challenging. Some of the diapers I have are snap-closed. They have many different snaps to adjust for a better fit. But when you have a child who is flipping over as quickly as you lay her down, it is a pain to try and find the right snap. And each flap has 2-3 snaps ... that is 4-6 snaps to close while trying to hold a child down! Oh, and sometimes I get them all snapped and realize it is too tight or too loose, and I have to take them apart and start all over. And getting Daddy to get them on - well, bless his heart!

Having diapers that have Velcro make it quicker, easier, and the exact fit the first try (okay, so sometimes the second try depending on how much she is moving).

One Size!

I love being able to use the same diaper for Kathryn and Carissa! I don't have to keep buying new diapers as they get bigger. And if I combine the Velcro and the one size, I am able to get a customized fit specially for each girly without a whole lot of hassle. 

Pockets

For those who are unfamiliar with cloth diapers, ones with pockets have the waterproof outside and a pocket on the inside.You stuff the pocket with a liner for absorbency. 

When it comes to washing, you pull the liner out and wash. The outer layer hangs to dry to protect the waterproof layer, but the liners can be dried in the dryer. 

They have ones with the built in liners, but those take much longer to dry.

And then there are covers that you can put over pre-folds or liners etc. It's nice because the covers can  be wiped off and used again with a new liner/pre-fold ... but when you have a squirmy little one, it becomes quite a challenge to get the liners lined up right and fasten the cover for optimal absorbency. 

BumGenius

My friend sent me quite a variety of different kinds to try.

Rump-a-Rooz - This one has the pocket that I like but it has snaps.

Dream-Eze - These have a sewn in liner, have snaps, and are a size small.

Jamtots - I have a small and a medium. They have liners that can be snapped in, and they snap close.

Fuzzi-Buns - This one has the pocket that I like. It is one size with adjustable elastic in the legs and waist. And it snaps closed. 

GroBaby - Has liners that snap in. They do Velcro close, but they don't fit all the way up to Carissa. And I have had nighttime leakage from these.

Thirsties - I have one small fitted and three covers. I like the fitted one, but then you also have to have the cover to put over it and of course you have to buy a new size when she outgrows it (but it is velcro). The covers work over any of the liners or prefolds (and the fitted), but goes back to the struggle of getting them on her right with her flipping over. But for travel purposes, it is easier to bring multiple liners and one cover than multiple all-in-one diapers.

BumGenius - These have the pockets. They have two different size liners for me to choose depending on which child I am using it on - or if I want to double up for nighttime protection. They are the only ones I have that fit both Kathryn and Carissa. They Velcro closed. And they are the only ones I have tried that have not leaked at night. When Daddy does the diapering, I try to be sure he has one of these. It is the same technique to put on as putting on a disposable - only much softer and prettier.

I feel like these are the diapers that work best for our needs, so I think we will stick to stocking up on BumGenius diapers. (Special hint to family looking for Christmas ideas (or friends looking to get your own stock) .... BumGenius is running a special Buy 5, get 1 Free! *wink wink*)

And of course, if any of my cloth diapering mamas have a brand that you feel has all my preferences and you think I should try those too ... let me know!

Extra work ... but super easy!

 Definitely going with cloth diapers takes a few extra steps, but so worth it and not hard.

After about a week now, I feel like I have settled into a nice routine that works for me.

I have enough that I could probably get away with washing every other day, but I think if I did that I would be cutting it really close. I know my days can be unpredictable, so to be on the safe side I am washing everyday for now - at least until I have increased my supply with more of the ones we like best.

Here is my routine:

After the girls wake, I change them both out of their night time diapers. (Kathryn gets a fresh cloth diaper, while Carissa gets panties.)

All diapers and wipes are stored in the trash can we use in Kathryn's room. (It is a small can with a lid that has a foot pedal. Right now I just have the plastic bags I've always used for this can, and will just change the bag every week.)

I take the can (which generally is loosely full by this point) to the laundry room.

I disassemble the diapers as I add them to the washer, securing the Velcro tabs on the special laundry tabs.

First cycle is just a cold, gentle wash/rinse cycle with no detergent - to get all the loose stuff off.

Next cycle I do a Hot regular wash, with cold rinse (my washer only does cold rinses) with a small amount of Arm & Hammer Essentials detergent.

Last cycle is just another gentle rinse to make sure all the detergent is fully rinsed.

I then hang the outer diapers on my makeshift indoor close line.

All the liners and cloth wipes go into the dryer on low heat until they are dry (usually takes about an hour for them to be completely dry.

After the girls go to bed at night, I gather up the liners from the dryer and my line-dried diapers and sit on the couch (usually watching TV or talking to David etc). I put the liners in the pockets and prep all the diapers for the next day.

And lastly, I prep my cloth wipes for the next day.

Oddly enough, having this task to do daily helps me form routines to my day. I actually enjoy this process.

Special Cleaning

Okay, so I don't have much experience in this department yet.

Main thing separate from my above cleaning is the poopy ... and all I do for that is shake it off into the toilet and give it a little rinse before sticking it in the "diaper pail."

The only other "special cleaning" I found and have used is in cases of diaper rash. Kathryn had a little bit of a rash due to teething recently. I researched options and here is what I settled on:

I put a cotton liner in the diaper directly against her bum, so that I could use the diaper cream but it only got on the liner.

When I changed that diaper, the liner and the wipe went into the sink until I had a chance to take care of it.

I would then use a little Dawn dish soap (the blue kind) to clean the diaper cream off the liner. I would rinse it all off and if there was still cream, I would repeat until it was all gone. Once I made sure there was no more signs of cream on the liner, I washed it like normal.

Worked wonderfully!

Cloth Wipes

One of my favorite things!!

My friend sent me some wipes with the diapers and I just love these! (I need to find out where she got these so I can get more like them.)

I researched wipe solutions and finally decided what I wanted to do.

My wipe solution:

1/4 cup Baby Oil (with Aloe and Vitamin E)

1/4 cup Baby Wash (just the regular yellow bottle)

4 cups water

(When mixing, add the water first to prevent bubbles.)

I made my solution in a storage container from my kitchen. I put my wipes in a regular wipe container and poured some solution over them (just enough to moisten the wipes). As I use them, I pull one out, wring it out, and am able to use one wipe per change (unless there is a massive mess - but generally I am able to utilize all sides of the wipe etc). Each night when I prep them, I put the wipes in the containers (one for the living room and one for the changing table), and add solution as needed.

These wipes work great for more than just diaper use! They work wonderfully for cleaning faces, hands, or giving a quick wipe down of whole body. The solution is safe, smells wonderfully, and leaves them fresh and soft.

So in all, I am extremely satisfied with my cloth diapers and most of all, my girls seem to really like them as well. This will save me about $60+ a month in diapers, pull ups, and wet wipes. And next time we have a kid, he/she will be cloth diapered from the start! I am ever so grateful to my friend for passing along blessings!

Anyone on the fence about cloth diapering ... my suggestion would be to give it a shot! :)

Thought Processor

I love to write. It is such a release for all the thoughts floating around in this pretty little head of mine. But sadly enough, when I have the most going on and have a head crammed too full of stuff ... these are the times I fail to write. I have so many things I want to write about, but I have so much else going on that by the time I sit down in the evenings I am too overwhelmed to know where to begin with my writings!  (So .. sorry I have not written in a while!)

But I'm aiming to change that ... my blog in a way is like my "thought processor." Even if no one reads this who even cares about what's going on in my world, it is nice to be able to get things off my chest, out of my head, and written somewhere. In a way, I think it makes my thoughts feel more tangible. I am able to look at them and structure them the way I feel they should be. And once I have written them and published them, that should be the end of my processing them in my mind - "should" being the operative word.

Do you ever have things on your mind that you have thought about repeatedly; and even though logically you know it's not worth your time to think about, you can't help but think about it? Yeah ... I have lots of those things too! It frustrates me to no end that I let things bother me enough to consume my thoughts. Sure, some things warrant some thought effort, but not consumption. I guess that's why we all need outlets to get things out in the open so they don't consume us. (Although, for now ... the number one thoughts I am struggling with now need to remain out of my blog ... )

But other stressors ... Now that one door has closed for us, will this other door that is opening remain opened - or will it too close? Will David hear good news back from this potential job? Are we going to be able to sell our house? Are we going take a huge financial hit in order to get out from under our house? How in the world am I supposed to get my house into "Viewing Condition" while I work every day just to keep my house functioning daily with 2 small children, 3 cats, and 2 dogs? Are we going to be moving soon, a little later, or not at all? What is in store for us? Something good has to come right? 

For now ... all I can do is take things one day at a time. Every time I start thinking about the future, and the what ifs, and the hows, and the whys .... I get overwhelmed. It is taking a lot of faith to trust that God has something better in store for us. I know that this is not where He has intended us to stay. I know He has a perfect plan. And while even though things seem impossible at times, He has always provided and we have always had enough and more.

I was listening to the radio on the way back from the airport and I heard a song I've heard a million times before, but it resonated a new chord with me today.

The song is "Feels like Today" by Rascal Flatts ...

(Lyrics)

I woke up this morning

with this feeling side me that I can't explain

like a weight that I've carried 

been carried away, away

But I know something is coming

I don't know what it is 

But I know it's amazing, you save me

My time is coming

And I'll find my way out of this longest drought ...

It feels like today I know

It feels like today I'm sure

It's the one thing that's missing

The one things I'm wishing

Life's sacred blessin' and then

It feels like today

feels like today

You treat life like a picture

But it's not a moment that's frozen in time

It's not gonna wait 

til you make up your mind, at all

So while this storm is breakin

while there's light at the end of the tunnel

keep running towards it

Releasing the pressure, that my heartache

soon this dam will break

And it feels like today, I know

It feels like today, I'm sure

It's the one thing that's missin'

The one thing you're wishin'

Life's sacred blessin' and then,

It feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changes

I feel like all of these changes that are happening are just the beginnings to something better. These changes have to happen so we can be finally be on our way to living the life God always intended for us. And it feels like today..... :)

Dr. Mommy

Probably one of the hardest things about being a mom is seeing your precious babies sick. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make my little girls better. Although, while I can't magically make my baby girls all better, I do have healing powers of sorts.

... Hugs ...

When my girlies are sick, they just want mommy to hold them. There is something so comforting about hugs from mommy when you aren't feeling well. When my babies are sick, I just want to hug them and never let go.

... Kisses ...

I love how mommy's kisses can make anything better. My poor Carissa had a sore throat and told me, "Mommy ... kiss it." Melts my heart.

... Nursing ...

This is my real super power. Who needs medicine when you have mommy's milk? My sweet Kathryn is so young still and really should avoid having most medicines. But every time I nurse her, she is receiving a whopping dose of antibodies that are specifically formed to meet her needs. It is such a fascinating process! When Kathryn is exposed to germs, she nurses and passes the germs to my body. My body immediately gets to work making antibodies to help her fight off those germs. The next time she nurses she receives special germ-fighting milk!

Another medicinal function of mommy's milk is something like a throat lozenge. Kathryn woke herself up tonight having a major coughing fit - you know, one of those uncontrollable ones due to a really itchy throat? I nursed her, it soothed her throat, she fell back to sleep, and hasn't coughed since.

On top of all the wonderful powers of mommy's milk, the act of nursing also has healing powers. The comfort of being close to mommy, the relaxation that comes from nursing, and the overall calm that ultimately helps her immune system do what it needs to do without the extra obstacle called stress.                        

There is such a heart-warming feeling when you see your sick baby finally fall asleep peacefully, or have them cuddle up on your chest, or see them muster up a smile or laugh even though they feel sick.

I love my babies. I hate when they are sick.

But I love my job as their mommy, and my maternal abilities to make them better.

More Imitation

The day after I wrote my last blog, Carissa and I had another feast with her kitchen set. I began to cut my "food" with my fork on my left hand, and the knife in my right - cutting between the prongs of the fork. Carissa also started cutting her "food" too. I tried taking a picture of her doing it. Even though I paused my cutting long enough to snap a picture, I managed to catch one of her sneaking a peak at my fork/knife :) 

I just love how this picture shows her inquisitive look while mastering a new skill she saw mommy do!

Love.

Imitation is Flattery

When I have looked at this picture, I always assumed Carissa was looking at Kathryn. While talking about this photo with my mother-in-law, she pointed out that Carissa is looking at me, and holding the bear in the same fashion I am holding Kathryn. She said she loves it because Carissa is imitating me, and imitation is the biggest form of flattery.

I always knew that Carissa learned things from seeing or hearing me do things, and I try to make an intentional effort to demonstrate good practices that I want her to pick up. And I often chuckle or beam with pride when I see her do something or hear her say something that I know she learned from me.

But until this conversation with my MIL, I had never really paid attention to Carissa's process of watching me. I have started watching her watch me, and oh I wish I could describe with words the feelings that brings. It is simply amazing to see her look at me, study my movements, and immediately try to do them herself.

My biggest example was from earlier this evening. GiGi and Papa have this Little Tikes kitchen they bought when Carissa was in my tummy and finally brought it out of their basement today. But sadly, there weren't any dishes to go with it. After dinner out, GiGi ran into the store and bought Carissa a set of dishes to go with her kitchen set. The dishes included a couple pans with lids, a tea kettle, a ladle and spatula, salt and pepper shakers, and 2 sets of plates, cups, forks, knives, and spoons. While Kathryn took a nap, mommy got to spend some special playtime with Carissa. We poured tea into our cups and drank them. We served some soup and ate it. We added salt and pepper to our meals. Washed our hands before we ate. Washed dishes etc. It was loads of fun.

But what I enjoyed most of this time was watching her copy me. After she poured me "more tea" I took the spoon to stir my tea. She picked up her spoon and began stirring her tea. But as she was stirring she was looking at me, studying how I was stirring my tea, and trying to mirror my movements. My heart swelled.

Imitation truly is the biggest form of flattery - especially for a mother whose two year old daughter tries to imitate her. For me, that means Carissa views me as someone worth imitating. She wants to me like mommy. What an honor! And what a responsibility. I pray that I am able to do right by her and set a good model for her to imitate. I know that I am already seeing a reflection of myself in her, and I pray to God that I am able to always see a reflection that I am proud of ... but most of all, that God is proud of. Oh how I love being a mommy. God could not have given me a better job in the world. This is by far the best job ever, and is definitely the most important ministry that God could ever have asked me to do. All I can say is I have found my calling!

Thank you God for my beautiful girls! Amen.

A Quarter of a Century

Quiet places often lead to reflection. I am sitting here at my in-laws, David is back in NC working, both of my girls have been sleeping for over an hour now, David's parents are both at work, his brother has been quietly working on his computer, and his soon-to-be sister-in-law is taking a nap. I am not used to having this much quiet. At home I would have filled this quiet with trying to accomplish a huge to-do-list. But alas, I am able to think (which could be dangerous).
Every year this season sneaks up on us so quickly. This year so much has been happening, and now I am sitting here thinking about what the future holds. I looked at the date and realized today is the 23rd of November .... already?! Wait ... that means .... Tomorrow I turn twenty-five years old!? When did I grow up so quickly? Wasn't I just in high school? Where does time go?
It's funny though, 25 means I am a quarter of a century old now ... but it doesn't feel very special lol. But you know, in just a mere 25 years I have a lot to be proud of.

• I survived being the oldest of 5 children.
• I was always active in my church.
• I twirled baton for 9 years.
• I played soccer for 4 years.
• I have read every hardback classic Nancy Drew book (you know, the yellow ones?)
• I was baptized 4 days before my 9th birthday.
• I finished K-12 with straight A's.
• I graduated Valedictorian.
• I earned 3 full tuition scholarships (although only used one).
• I participated in World Changers every year from 6th grade-12th grade, and have since taken a group as the leader for 3 years.
• I met my husband 10 1/2 years ago!
• I have a Bachelor of Arts in Religion and Christian Ministry (and have some of a Master of Divinity finished).
• I graduated college as Cum Laude.
• I got my first job as a bagger for Winn-Dixie when I was 15 years old, and by the time I quit that job 6 years later, I was an Assistant Customer Service Manager.
• I finished my undergraduate school in 3 1/2 years (but the last semester was also my first semester of graduate school).
• I got engaged on February 24, 2006.
• I got married on June 23, 2007.
• Bought our first house April 2008.
• I found out I was pregnant with our first child on January 23, 2008. Found out in April she was a girl. And gave birth to my beautiful Carissa on September 21, 2008.
• I found out on September 28, 2009 that I was pregnant with our second. Found out January that she was a girl. And gave birth to my precious Kathryn on June 9, 2010!

I probably could come up with so many more things to add. I could also create a list of the not-so-nice things that have happened in these last 25 years, but somehow the list of the great things has a way of outshining the bad.
I look at where I came from, at how immature I was growing up, and I look at my life now and I am so blessed. I love my life. Sure we still hit bumps in the road. But because of who I am, who God is, and the wonderful man God created to be my husband, I know I will always have reason to be thankful.
Sunday, the sermon was about being Thankful - makes sense with Thanksgiving this week. But it wasn't about just being thankful for the things we have. But rather, in all things we should be thankful. In times of happiness, we should be thankful. In times of struggle, we should be thankful. In saddness, we should be thankful. etc. And I know that I have many reasons to always be thankful, no matter what comes my way.
So while I don't know what the next 25 years will hold, I know that because of my first 25 years I will always be blessed with a wonderful life and family.
Happy Birthday to me and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else :)

Stepping out of the Boat

     Sometimes in life we are presented with opportunities to show God that we trust Him. It is in these moments that we are asked to step out of the comfortable boat and walk on water. The only way that is possible is to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, and not to be overwhelmed by the waves crashing all around us. These moments are difficult but can be a very rewarding experience.
     When I think about these moments and struggle, I am reminded of when Jesus chastised Peter for not having enough faith. (Matthew 14:31: Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”) I must take comfort in the fact that Jesus will help me take the necessary steps to following Him towards that rewarding experience; and if for some reason I do get overwhelmed and fall ... I know he will catch me and not let me drown. 
     I am now at a point in my life that God has asked me to step out of the boat and take that step of faith. God put into motion the ball that ultimately is ending my job as Minister of Youth and Children at my church. I know this is the step God wants me to take, as when I realized my job was ending I felt physical relief - almost as if a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I have no doubts that Jesus is standing there telling me to step of out of the boat and come.
     The waves, though, are high and fierce. I try not to look around at the wave too much because it can be overwhelming, but it hard to not see them. Some of these waves are finances, living arrangements, job details, and other stresses that probably should stay out of my blog for the time being. With my job ending, we will be on David's income alone and right now his income is less than mine. So our income would be cutting drastically. Which leaves us with how to pay bills, and what to do about our house. Right now we own it and pay a mortgage on it. So do we sell it and turn to family for support? Or do we stick it out and eat away at savings until we can't do anything else hoping that something turns around for us? As for job, all of this that has happened was God's way of answering my prayers and making a tough decision for me. I do not plan to look for a new job, especially not one in a church.With me not getting a new job, it puts a lot more pressure on David getting a new job. We prefer one that is with his degree (but that's a whole different blog about companies that require people to have experience, but that leaves people unable to get experience because no one will hire them - vicious cycle!), but if he can't get one with his degree just yet, we hope that something will open up for him that will at least pay the bills.
     All of these waves could really bring us down. They could lead us away from God's plan. And we, like Peter, could start sinking. But Jesus tells us to Trust Him! When we take that step of faith, and we get out of the boat He will protect us and guide our each step. For me, I feel God is calling me away from congregational ministry, but not away from ministry. God is still guiding me in the direction of the ministry that He has planned special for me; I just don't know what that is yet. I've always known I was still on a journey following Him. He has now made it clear it's time to take that step. For me, that step out of the boat is me being able to be a SAHM, teaching my children, taking care of my family, and teaching my children to be lovers of Jesus. My ministry for now is my family. I would hate it if I spent all my time and energy to minister to other people, and I neglect the spiritual and physical needs of my family. I want to devote all of who I am to bring my children up in the ways of the Lord. They were given to me as a blessing from God. He has entrusted David and I with the duty of raising them to be children of God. This is what I know I am called to do. I know that God has more plans in store as life goes on, as my children get older, and I've matured more in my faith. But God only reveals small parts of His plan at a time. And for now this is it.
    So here I am God. I don't know how you will provide, but I know you will. I don't know what's to come, but I know you do. I am getting out of the boat. I am taking a step towards you. My eyes are fixed on you. And, with your help, I will not be overwhelmed by the waves around me.   Amen.

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

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Carolyn Carty, 1963