*Life Within*

I am quite ashamed that I am almost 4 months pregnant and have yet to write any entries to journal this wonderful experience.
First trimester seemed to fly by a lot faster than it did with Carissa. I am sure it had something to do with the fact that my days were filled with the entertainment of keeping up with a toddler. Morning sickness has been rough; but between keeping up with Carissa, school, and work, I asked for a prescription of Zofran after spending a couple of days throwing up. I have a high tolerance for pain, but boy do I have a hard time when it comes to queasiness and vomiting.
We had our first prenatal appointment and our first ultrasound at 9weeks4days. We were too early to hear the heartbeat, but we could see it beating away at 175 bpm on the ultrasound. So fabulous to see life within.
Morning sickness is on it's way out. I still have days that are harder than others and it is still a juggling act with eating every couple hours, drinking plenty of water, and of course getting enough rest. Hopefully soon I will be nausea free!
My bump popped quite early with this one! And despite all the talk of twins from wonderful Facebook followers and family, I stand by my intuition (and the first ultrasound) that there is only one little one growing inside of me and my body just remembers what to do from being pregnant not too long ago. It is funny for me to already be feeling like my belly is getting in the way and prohibiting from certain movements, feeling uncomfortable already - especially at night, and to see my belly button already working on popping out!! All of these things didn't start happening until the second half of pregnancy with Carissa!
One of the neat things that has happened earlier than with Carissa is feeling the little flutters! They are still not consistent, but when they happen ... it makes my whole day. There is something so nice about relaxing in the evenings and feel like I'm having my own private play date with the precious baby growing inside of me. I can't wait to feel more than just taps and flutters, and I really look forward to when we can all feel the baby from the outside. I especially cannot wait until Carissa is able to feel it!
She is so precious with giving her "smooches" to "baby." I can't wait to find out what we are having so we can begin calling my belly by a name other than "baby" - especially since "baby" is her baby dolls, or any other baby she sees.
Speaking of learning gender ... our magic date is currently set at January 12th - providing Lil G is cooperative! :)
The going vote around is that it is a boy. I was trying to not give into any thoughts, but I am beginning to think it might just be a boy. I am carrying a little different than with Carissa, other things have been different (including cravings ... with Carissa I craved salty things a lot, and this I've had more of a sweet tooth ... and I am not a big sweet eater in general), and I had a dream in which I had a vision of the baby and it looked like a boy.
But either way, I will be extremely happy. I still have my reasons for wanting either gender! :)
Our second prenatal appointment was this past Monday at 14weeks4days. We finally got to hear the wonderful sound of a strong healthy heartbeat, beating away at 150 beats per minute. My uterus seemed to be bigger than the midwife expected. I guess we will just have to wait and see how I continue to measure through the rest of the pregnancy. I also found out that I have Group B Strep in my urinalysis ... which means I automatically will have to receive an IV of antibiotics during labor.
I had the same thing with Carissa, and was really hoping to go IV-free this time. But the nice thing is I will get a dose of antibiotics, and then they disconnect the IV and just leave the "heparin lock" in my arm so I still have all the mobility that I want or need during labor. And with the IV I'm allowed to walk it around if I need or want to. My only request this time is that the most experienced person on duty puts the IV in. With Carissa the student nurse tried putting it in. I am a complete supporter of allowing students to participate and have experience to learn. BUT my veins seem to run away every time I have to get an IV, and it was NOT fun having some poke me and try to find the vein 100 times while I am working on contractions that were coming every couple of minutes. Not fun at all. (At least my breathing techniques helped me deal with the pain of needles stabbing me lol)



I cannot believe that I have already almost completed 4 months of being pregnant and only have 6 more months before we get to welcome a new member of our family into this world. We are super excited and looking forward to another uneventful wonderful pregnancy! :)

The picture taken here is of me at 14wks2days pregnant!! About the same size as 22 weeks with Carissa :) I love my bump though!!
I just love being pregnant!! (If only there was a way to not be nauseous!)

Catch-Up

I feel like this is all I have been doing lately - playing catch up. My last posts on here were from before I began school for the semester ... and sadly, I didn't stay as balanced as I would have liked. So much has happened between then and now; and through it all, I must admit that I have been doing some soul-searching thinking and will hopefully eventually be able to write this all out. My catch up process may take a few blog entries ... so please bear with me. Most of you reading this stay sort of up to date with me on facebook, so I won't spend a whole lot of time in the small details ... until I get to the soul-searching that has been neglected from the pages of Facebook.

AUGUST
I had found balance in my life and felt confident to pursue another semester in my career as a student. I decided that I would not be over ambitious, and so I only took 2 classes - 5 credit hours. It was a wonderful decision, anymore and I very possibly would have crashed and burned - again.

SEPTEMBER
Busy busy month!!
Schooooool ...
Key events from this month:

Zoo Trip
September 19, 2009

The weekend of Carissa's birthday we made a trip to the North Carolina Zoo in Asheboro. A group from our church went, but it was very exciting for Carissa's first trip to the zoo to be two days before she turned One!! :)
She thoroughly enjoyed looking at the animals. Anything that had wings and a beak/bill was called a "duck" ... she growled at the bears and lions. But I think her favorite were the baboons. She was very excited about them.
It was a great day and I can't wait to take her again. I say it would be a great tradition to start taking her every year around her birthday :)

Carissa's First Birthday
September 21, 2009

What an exciting time!! Our baby girl hit the big milestone of hitting one year of age. Wow time flies. It has been a very exciting year and we've loved every minute of having this precious child in our lives. Celebrating her birthday was the perfect opportunity to celebrate her life and what she means to us. She has changed our lives so much, but has made our lives so much better. I would never ask for things to have been any different. Celebrating her life makes me so satisfied, content, and extremely happy to be a mom. God blessed us so much when He began forming this little life inside of me and He continues to bless us every day with the opportunity, responsibility, and joys of teaching this little girl and watching her grow into a beautiful, happy, smart little girl.
The day before her birthday we had a low-key party at the park down the street. A couple of her little friends - Kaelyn and Charlie - came and their families, and then family members. The very special part of her party was that she had her Great-Great-Grandmother there, two of her Great Grandmothers, and one of her Grandmothers there. There are not many people who can say they had that many "Greats" at their first birthday party. All in all it was a great day!

Our Big News
September 28, 2009

Most who follow my blog are already aware of this news, but there is no way I can leave this out of my recap of my busy busy month! After a wonderful week celebrating the life of our precious Carissa, we were blessed with the wonderful news that we will be blessed again with a second child. Our Carissa will be a big sister! What a great way to end our busy busy month! We are extremely excited as we anticipate the arrival of our second bundle of joy.

OCTOBER
Full of school work, school work and more school work.

We had our Trunk or Treat at church this month. Was a lot of fun. Carissa was a pirate ... I was a clown and did balloon animals for all the kids. While I thoroughly enjoyed my time, I would have loved to have been able to enjoy it with Carissa more.

NOVEMBER
Schooooool ...
Highlights:

My 24th birthday
November 24, 2009

I am now officially in my mid-twenties! Wow. A few days before my birthday, I received my early birthday present from David and Carissa - my brand new camera! :) I knew I was getting it because David dropped and broke my old one. The night before my birthday I took a break in my homework and had a birthday dinner with my two favorite people at Ruby Tuesday. The day of my birthday I spent the day playing with Carissa and my friend's little girl, Kaelyn, finishing my book review, and going to class.

Thanksgiving
November 26, 2009

Due to David's wonderful job in the world of retail, we left for Virginia Wednesday late afternoon. We spent the night at David's parents' house, and enjoyed a nice Thanksgiving lunch with family. That night, David left to head back home :( so he could be at work dark-early Black Friday morning. Carissa and I remained in Virginia to spend another couple days with his family. Carissa, David's dad, and I slept in Black Friday while David's mom and Sarah, his brother's girlfriend, woke up at dark-early to go shopping. We met them around 10:30 for brunch did a little shopping at Toys R Us, but that was really the extent of shopping for me. That evening we went to David's cousin's house for a "Day After Thanksgiving Dinner." And then that Saturday, David's mom brought us home.

DECEMBER
Finals in school ....

Deck the Halls
Getting ready for Christmas.

Since the end of school, my days have been spent
cleaning, laundry, cooking, decorating, shopping, and of course being Mommy.
Essentially, now that school is over I've been catching up on my life.
Now that you have been caught up on the highlights,
I will get around to writing more thought specific blogs.

~Bite-Sized~

It's amazing to me how we try to get through life via leaps and bounds. Many times we are guilty of biting off more than we can handle. I for one always seem to take on more than I can chew. And it always ends the same: I get overwhelmed, I get sick, and it takes me twice as long to get back on my feet!
This has happened to me more times than I can count. In fact, I am just now coming to the end of one of those "getting back on my feet" periods. It feels wonderful right now though. I feel balanced, I feel structured, I feel confident. But I have to be careful to not fall into the same pattern though.
Carissa has taught me many things! Oh how I love her! But watching her eat is so neat. She has her little pudgy adorable fingers, and she picks up the food she wants to eat and puts it in her mouth with intentionality. But because she loves food so much, she is bound to stick more in her mouth than she can handle. That is why, as her parents, we are responsible for breaking it up into little ~bite-sized~ portions for her, and continuously observe her to make she doesn't put too much in her mouth. How similar is that to how I take on more than I should? The only thing is I don't have someone cutting my "food" into ~bite-sized~ portions.
But I can learn another lesson from Carissa that can help me keep from taking on more than I can handle. Carissa is now to where she is learning how to walk. But getting to this point has been a long but exciting process. She wasn't born being able to walk. She first had to learn to hold her head up, then had to learn to roll over, to sit up, to stand while holding something, to learn the concept of taking steps while holding on, and now she is sometimes able to take 2-3 steps at a time without holding on. She is still learning how to find her balance, and until she does she will not be able to take off walking. But she is determined and she will learn when she has it all figured out. But there is a reason there is a cliche called "Taking baby steps." :-D
Thinking about this as I am about to embark on yet another semester in my seemingly life long career as a student, I am reminded that I cannot take on a full load without first mastering my lighter loads. And most of all, I cannot fully "walk" without first finding my balance. I hope to hold onto these ~Bite-Sized~ lessons as I try to master being Mommy, Wife, Melissa, Minister, and Student! :) But Carissa's perseverance gives me motivation and hope! :)

God as Artist

There are many characteristics that could be attributed to God, but this time I want to focus on God as Artist. This is probably a characteristic that is not commonly recognized as an attribute of God, but tonight I saw a demonstration of His artistic capability.

Here I was, driving home from a meeting at Church on an extremely hot day, and looking ahead of me I begin to see heat lightening. A little at first, but before I know it the lightening is stretching across the sky in some amazing patterns. I really cannot describe how beautiful and magnificent this lightening was. It would begin in a central location and completely branch out for all to see. If I had not had a tired baby in the back seat, I would have loved to just pull over and watch it.
(It reminded me of when I was a child at G.A. camp in Florida, and we loved to watch the heat lightening in the evenings.) What a beautiful display of God's artistic personality.

While I was watching this lightening (I was paying attention to my driving, I promise!), so many things crossed my mind. As I share my thoughts, it is my hope that you too can see God as Artist in some capacity.

First: When I think about lightening in general, I think of something extremely powerful, dangerous, but exhilarating to watch. I definitely have a healthy fear of lightening. It is one of those things that I will appreciate from the comfort of my house without getting too close to windows, water, or electrical circuits. But heat lightening I have always found a little less threatening which gives me freedom to appreciate it without trying to hide from it.
Thinking about this, led me straight to God! God is so powerful!! At times, I think we all have a fear of God's power and try to hide from it (especially if it calls for us to change how we are living). And while, yes, we should at times have a healthy fear of God's power, I think He wants us to appreciate it without feeling threatened. He wants to share with us His magnificent power on a beautiful level. And for me, I saw that thru His heat lightening. In a way, it showed me His artistic sensitive side. I feel like it was His way of telling me, "Look, you know I create this lightening. You know it is one representation of my power. But look, my power is something that is beautiful and I want to share it with you. Everything I do is for you; and tonight, I am filling you with the awesomeness of who I am."
This all led me to my second train of thinking:
This lightening was completely amazing and beautiful, and only someone with an artistic flare could create something so magnificent! Lightening is but one mere masterpiece of God's! But stop and take a look around us - smell the roses if you will. This world we live in was a creation by the first artist - the master of art! It is simply amazing when you actually take the time to appreciate it. And sometimes, if we've been neglecting to take the time to appreciate God's masterpiece, He chooses to put one in our path that we cannot ignore - such as a sky full of heat lightening that was the most beautiful thing!!
It's funny when I think about an artist though, I think of someone who really has this inner self that cannot be defined by words alone... but it needs pictures, colors, feeling, etc. And God definitely fits here. There is no way that I could explain to someone the character of God and who He is to me by simply telling them. I just could never find words to describe Him adequately. But seeing God's creative side invokes emotion in me that gives me an understanding of the complexity of whom God is. There is no way I can describe the emotion either, but I hope that others have experienced this same emotion when looking at God's Art! :)
And all of this ultimately brought me to my third line of thinking.
Since the beginning of time, God has been working on his Ultimate Masterpiece: "His Kingdom"! This will be the most glorious masterpiece of all, not only because He is putting so much time and effort into it - but because He uses His creation as tools to create "His Kingdom."
While I may not fully understand the purpose of everything I go through or what I am supposed to do next, I know that God has a specific way that He wants to use me. Some days, I may be a paintbrush that He uses to touch up, or even to start something new. Other days I may be the paint bringing color to someone else's life. Some days, I may be the rag He uses to clean up a blemish - or bring forgiveness to someone. Other days, I am the tenderness that He puts into making sure it is perfectly up to His standards. I know I could probably drag this analogy out ... but I think I will stop there. The point is no matter what things I am dealing with on a day to day basis in my personal life, I know that it will all work together to help God create His Masterpiece!
They key, however, is to not try to do it myself. Unless you are watching Handy Manny, tools do not perform the tasks by themselves. There is always a greater being who puts their abilities to great use! I, for one, am willing to let God use me in any capacity He sees fit. And the next time I feel like complaining about circumstances in my life, I hope to remember that everything works out for a greater good!! :)

Amazing how many things you can think of on a drive home - all because of seeing series of heat lightening! Thanks for listening! :)

Carissa Dances! :)

Time Flies ... !

One year ago from now, I was half way through a pregnancy that would ultimately change my world forever! And here we are ... approaching Carissa's 9th month of life outside of the womb. I cannot believe how much she has changed, grown, and turned into a little person in these last 9 months!
She once upon a time laid helpless in my arms and relied on me to do everything for her. Now, she is determined to do everything herself!
She insists on feeding herself ... she wants to go where she wants to go when she wants to go there and she wants to be the one to go there (if I help her, she decides that's not what she wanted!).
Carissa is working on learning to pull herself up to a standing position. We don't have many things the right height in our house for her, but she has managed to pull herself up in the bathtub - although a bit slippery at times.
I am thinking she may just skip the whole crawling thing all together. She scoots and pushes and pulls and turns .... but no crawling. She'd much rather be standing! In fact ... more and more frequently, she has stood unsupported for like 2 seconds!! That's major progress!! And she loves trying to walk ... holding our hands of course! But she's a pro! Before long I am sure she will be walking!! And she's only 8 1/2 months!!! WOW!
Carissa has SEVEN teeth and I believe she has one on the way!! Definitely a mouthful ... which leads to her love for eating anything - ESPECIALLY mommy and daddy's food! I have officially STOPPED mashing her food. She mostly feeds herself with her fingers. She does like the baby forks, and if we put a piece of food on her fork and hand her the fork, she moves directly to her mouth with the food and eats it off the fork!! Amazing!
And let's not forget that she is going to be a world-class talker! She is working on "bye bye" now. Of course it sounds more like "ba ba ba" ... but she repeats it in response to us saying "bye bye" - which reminds me - She WAVES bye bye! :)
She still doesn't directly call us "ma ma" or "da da" but she definitely tries. Sometimes I think it coincidentally comes out though. And sounds like she says "hi." She babbles up a storm all day long! And she knows what she is saying ... boy I really wish I knew what she was saying. So much personality!!!
She is still nursing ... but only about 3 times a day. I certainly cherish those sessions so much! It saddens me to think that this will one day come to a stop.
My heart swells every time I think about that little girl ... let alone when I get to love on her. I miss her like crazy when I have to be away from her - which reaffirms my decision to work part time at church and stay home with her on a daily basis! God has blessed me so much to allow me to have the job I want while simultaneously having an abundance of time to be the kind of mother I've always dreamed of being!
I have finally gotten things figured out to keep my house in order, while balancing with my weekly church duties, in such a way that I have plenty of time during the day to sit down and play with Carissa without feeling like I am neglecting other duties. It's a wonderful feeling of contentment and accomplishment!
My life has been so blessed over these past 9 months. I have learned a kind of love I never knew before. A kind of love that always brings tears of happiness to my eyes when I think about how much I love my precious Carissa!!
At times it seems like it would be difficult to ever love another child as much as I do her, but then I think about how much joy it will bring me to see Carissa be a big sister. I know with all my heart that God's plan for my life all along was to be a mother and I thank Him everyday for this calling! It's been the best thing that has ever happened to me!!

To be or Not to be ...

Luke 9:20-26

“Then He asked them, ‘Who do you say I am?’ Peter replied, ‘You are the Messiah sent from God!’
Messiah means the Anointed King
What are things typically associated with a king?
How do the people under the rule of the king act in regards to their king?
Christ was the King sent from God …
He had been anointed by the One who had created us … who had created the world we live in. He alone is the One we owe tribute for us even being in existence.

Jesus warned them not to tell anyone this. ‘For I, the Son of Man, must suffer many terrible things,’ He said. ‘I will be rejected by the leaders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. I will be killed, but three days later I will be raised from the dead.’
Jesus, being the One sent by God, predicts His future as one who will be slain by men.
But further, He describes a life of rejection. Jesus was a religious teacher … and yet, he told of how other leaders, priests and teachers would reject Him. You would think that fellow teachers and leaders would at least support his message.
But His prediction does not end with death.
He tells the disciples that after three days of being dead, He WILL raise up from the dead.
Jesus – the Anointed King – would not remain dead.



Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily, and follow me.
After Jesus gets done telling everyone what His future holds, he turns to the people and almost dares them to follow Him.
Essentially Jesus is saying, I’ve laid it all out for you. You now know what the cards will hold if you follow me. There will be persecution. There will be rejection. And, you know, there may be death.
But if you love me and are willing to follow me in spite of all these things, here is what you have to do:
First, you can do nothing for yourself. Following me means you recognize that I know best, I have a perfect plan, and we will follow my perfect plan no matter what it is that you think you might want.
Second, you must shoulder your cross every day. I am about to embark on a journey that includes me shouldering a physical cross and carrying it to me ultimate sacrificial death. I am asking that you every day of your life sacrifice your life to me. Give it to me every day. Not just once – but every day. By carrying your cross every day, I will know that you are willing to be obedient. I know that you are willing to give me your life so that you no longer live – but it is I who lives through you.
Third, Follow Me. Now that you know what things may lay ahead, you’ve made up your mind to follow me anyways. You’ve made my desires your own. And you are giving me your life. The next step is to actually take a step. Let’s play a game of follow the leader. I know you don’t know where we are going. But you must trust me to lead the way. The road may get rocky. I promise I will not lead you through harm. I will be here for. Just follow me.

If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.
If we are not willing to sacrifice everything to Follow Christ, we are limiting ourselves to things of this world alone. Things of this world cannot be a part of Christ. We must give our lives over to God so that they are no longer of this world so that we may have eternal life with Him.

And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose or forfeit your own soul in the process?
If, while we are on this earth, we only busy ourselves with the things of this world – we don’t allow God to have our lives, then what makes us think we will ever be of anything other than this world?
If we only live in worldly matters, we have missed out on things that could be more. Nothing of this world can ever leave this world. And we would lose our souls – which are of God.
We must tend to our souls – our spiritual needs – so that we can leave behind this world to a greater life with Christ in Heaven.



If a person is ashamed of me and my message, I, the Son of Man, will be ashamed of that person when I return in my glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels.’”
We’ve been called to be followers of Christ.
Being a follower of Christ means that it will show in everything we do. Our entire being will belong to the Will of God.
Anytime we refuse to do the will of God – we are displaying shame for Christ. And if we are unwilling to let everyone who sees us know that we Know Christ – then why should we expect Christ to claim to know us in front of His Father or the Angels in Heaven?


Critical Reflection

“If this life is most important to you, you will do everything you can to protect it.
You will not want to do anything that might endanger your safety, health, or comfort.
By contrast, if following Jesus is most important, you may find yourself in some very unsafe, unhealthy, and uncomfortable places. You will risk death, but you will not fear it because you know Jesus will raise you to eternal life.
The person who is concerned only with this life has no such assurance.
His earthly life may be longer, but it will most likely be marred by feelings of boredom and worthlessness.”