Happy Birthday, David

I know one normally reflects back over the years when it's his/her own birthday, but for some reason today - on David's birthday - I started reflecting back over the years.
Here we are, celebrating David's 23rd birthday ... and we were just 14 years old when we met! Almost NINE years ago we met! I cannot believe how fast time has flown. I laughed and told David that in five years we will have known each other for half our lives, and from then on we will always have known each other longer than we didn't know each other. Funny the things we think about while driving down the road.
So much has happened over these last 9 years! I can't believe all we've done together. I am so fortunate that I found the love of my life so early and we are still together going just as strong as ever!
Recap of the last nine years:

• World Changers Savannah, GA 2000 - We met!
• November 25, 2000 - David and his mom drive down to Greensboro to see me the day after my 15th birthday! It was our first time seeing each other after World Changers. We sat on the couch and talked for 2 hours! :-D ... Oh yeah, and he brought me Halo - white angel bear beanie baby (Totally still have that somewhere around here)
• March 24, 2001 - David's 15th birthday! I had this big plan to surprise him. His birthday coincided with my Spring Break, so my dad and I drove up to surprise him. We stayed in Greensboro - only to find out that David's mom and grandmother were on their way to pick me up because Jon had cheerleading competition so there had been a slight change of plans. I stayed the night at Grandma Patsy's and the come over the next morning to pick "her/us" up ... and he comes in and is "surprised" -------- YEAH RIGHT ... I found out a year and a half later that he actually wasn't surprised because his grandmother accidentally spilled the beans - but he acted surprised for me.
  
• November 20-something, 2001 - my 16th birthday! David's parents meet up with my grandparents and David rides down with my grandparents for my birthday and Thanksgiving. (PS we are still "just friends" during all this time) We actually had a discussion during this visit about our "friendship" ....... I like to define this as the part in our relationship where the path we were traveling on split and we started taking the fork that was "more than friends."
• March 20-something, 2002 - David's 16th birthday! It once again coincided with my spring break so my family drove to Greensboro, and then the next day my dad, Kasey, Kaley and I all drove up to VA. David knew I was coming ... but I don't think he knew exactly when. We got there while he was still at Karate Practice, so his parents brought us down there to surprise him! YAY! I think in all our 9 years I've surprised him once! lol
• End of June-July 5, 2002 - Centrifuge and hanging out! ... I met David's youth group in Panama City, Florida for Centrifuge, and then he came down to spend a week with us. We went to KY for 4th of July where David's parents met us. It was during this time that we "secretly held hands" for the first time. We pretty much were "more than just friends" by this point.
• July 10, 2002 - He asked me to be his girlfriend! Of course ... it was a lot bigger a decision than that lol. We talked a lot about if that was what we should do. All of our family was telling us we were pretty much boyfriend/girlfriend anyways - just without the titles. So we decided to add the title! Of course... this date is also momentous because it is the day David broke his 16 year record of being single ........ and for the first time ever in his life had a girlfriend (I sure hope he doesn't wish he ever had more than just me :-D lol)
• Dec. 2002 - Our first visit after officially becoming boyfriend and girlfriend :-D David and his mom came down to Florida to visit! :-D
• February 2003 ... I went to visit Campbell for the first time. He met us down in Greensboro for dinner and to hang out for a couple hours!
  
• *Don't remember dates off the top of my head* ......... Junior Proms 2003 .............. He flew down for mine :-D and I flew up for his! :-D Wonderful times!
• Dec. 2003 - I flew up to visit. This was also the time we first hiked Sharp Top! :)
• Senior Proms 2004 ...... again ... he flew down for mine ... and I flew up for his! Loved every minute!!
• July 2004 - Campbell Freshman Orientation!
• August 2004 - COLLEGE! WE GET TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY! WOOT! Many good times (and the few arguments haha) .... we'd spend holidays together alternating whose house we were at when. Separate for the summers :( with occasional visits to see each other.
• February 24, 2006 - He Proposes!!! :-D
• June 23, 2007 - We get hitched! :) and then go on our wonderful honeymoon to Emerald Isle, NC.
• January 23, 2008 - We find out we are excpecting a baby!
• April 11, 2008 - We close on our first home!
• April 29, 2008 - We learn our baby will be Carissa Hope.
• September 21, 2008 - We welcome Carissa into our lives!
• And here we are ... almost 9 years later .... living our dream life! :-D

I am the luckiest girl in the world! I love my husband with my whole heart!! He makes me so happy! He is the best! And now him and I have formed a wonderful family with a darling daughter ... and someday more children! But for now, I am extremely happy with my life! :)
I love you David!! :)
Happy Birthday!

So They Will See Jesus

Have you ever been praised for something and you just know you didn't put forth the effort to deserve that praise?
I feel like that all the time.
I have always tended to juggle a lot, and some how no matter how last minute I start something, it still seems to turn out great. I can only credit God for my ability to perform so well on so many tasks.
But what gets me is so many people truly don't see the "behind the scenes" reality of me waiting til 10pm the night before something needs to be done, or starting to plan for an event a week before it's supposed to take place. They don't see me sit down and spit out some mumbo jumbo while also running in 20 different directions. But somehow, these same people have so much confidence in me built up. I am constantly told how organized I am, or how diligent etc. I really want to laugh at them and say, "Are you sure?! You honestly have no idea!"
For me, I know most of the time I don't give projects all the attention they deserve. And truth be told, if I honestly sat down and actually busied myself planning or working with the effort each thing deserved with undivided attention, I KNOW that the end results would turn out so much better than they do now. But somehow, everyone sees the picture perfect image of something I feel I am not.
I used to accept these as pure compliments because they were being nice, or because they knew how much I had on my plate so they were just taking into consideration everything I juggled and did a surprisingly well enough job considering. But after a while, I've really started paying attention to the wording when they compliment. Or the timing of their compliments. And even the repetition of them. It finally dawned one like a light bulb flickering above my head! DUH!! They don't see ME! They aren't complimenting ME! They see Jesus through me!!
The Bible tells us that we are to be a light to those around us, or that we are to be the salt of the earth. Well, obviously, I am not Jesus ... so this light I would be shining would have to be Jesus. And I have no flavor on my own, so I would be spreading Jesus' flavor.
If I simply give my life to the service of Him ... the One who has called me to do His work ... then I must not fret about whether I can do a well enough job. I must trust that as long as I put forth the effort at all to do His work, and I trust Him to turn my fish and loaves into enough for the multitudes, then He will do it.
I should not be living my life so that I can impress others. If that is my goal, I will fail. But if I put my whole heart into serving God, then They Will See Jesus! That is my goal! "I must become less, so that He may become greater!"
It is my hope and prayer that Jesus is seen through me.

From Observant to Interactive

SIX MONTHS! Can you believe it?
6 Months ago today I was walking walking walking ... trying to convince my little girl that it was time. And here I am now, trying to convince her to not grow up so fast!
I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of watching Carissa develop and grow. It is amazing! She has always been interested in what is going on around her. Ever since she was born she was very observant. We always had to hold her so she could see everything.
And now ... 6 months later ... she still is very interested in everything around her. However, she is no longer satisfied with just looking at it! Carissa refuses to believe that she is a baby with limited mobility! Our world now consists of touching everything ... trying to eat everything ... talking to everything ... trying to go everywhere!
We have to really hold on to her as she has no concept of falling. If she sees something she wants, she literally throws her body towards it.
It is really exciting to see her so interested in the world around her. She is able to self-entertain. She loves to laugh and play. She babbles as if she really knows what she is saying. She absolutely adores her kitties and puppies (granted we are having to teach her to not pull their fur! :-D).
Carissa is rolling over from front to back. She scoots. She lunges. She is mastering sitting up on her own. She loves to stand (holding onto something of course)! Her favorite thing to play in is her Jumperoo! She loves to bounce! She LOVES the baby in the mirror ... and the more excited she gets about seeing the baby, the more that baby in the mirror gives her reason to be excited!
She is a social butterfly ... especially with other kids! She will grab at them and babble away at them! She is eating solids ... still nursing ... and sleeping all night!
She is the joy of my life! And I can't believe we are halfway to her first birthday!
And now she is telling me that it is her dinnertime! I guess I better go feed her!

Journal From God

While with my youth at Acquire the Fire, I saw a beautiful picture of the Bible painted.
I want to share this picture with you.

Imagine this:
A young soldier is running through the streets of a war zone. Blasts, bullets, flares, the works. BAM! He's been shot! He sneaks off into an abandoned building. While laying there, he feels his heart slowing down, he's bleeding out, finding it hard to breathe. He pulls out a journal and begins to write in it. He writes about how he this journal is the greatest thing he will be able to give, it contains everything he'd hoped to teach - to pass on. He places a picture in the journal right before he dies.
A little while later, some of his fellow soldiers come in to get him. When they see the journal, they open it up and find the picture. This picture is a sonogram of the soldier's unborn child. And this journal was the soldier's thoughts, hopes, and dreams for his child.

Now ... imagine that when you were in-utero, your father died. When you become a teenager, your mother gives you a book. She tells you that this book contains everything your father wanted to tell you before he died. It contains his dreams and aspirations for you. It contains instructions on how he feels you should live to become a successful human being.
If you received such a book, would you read it? Would this book become a prized possession of yours? Would it not be very close to your heart?

Well, you DO have one of these books! God knew that He would not be here with us in the flesh, so he created a book of His thoughts, hopes, dreams for us. He created an instruction manual on how we should live. It's called the Bible. The Bible is our key to finding the heart of God. We should hold it dear to our hearts. We should read it. We should make it a prized possession.

Separation Anxiety

Carissa is at that age. She is extremely happy and friendly. And not shy at all. ... As long as Mommy is right there! She will on occasion let someone else hold her, as long as Mommy doesn't leave her site. But for the most part, Mommy has to hold her!
If I have to leave her with someone else - even for a minute, she endures a lot of anxiety. She will cry and scream. Nothing will console her until Mommy returns and holds her close. It makes me feel good to know that we have created such a bond that she feels safest with me. It breaks my heart to leave her with someone else, and I long to be able to hold her again. And as soon as I can, I love on her as much as I can to reassure her that I am still here and will not leave her.

When I think about her separation anxiety, another image comes to mind: Our relationship with God. We should be so close to God that when we are not with him we suffer from literal anxiety. We will not be fully happy or at peace apart from God. We should be as a child craving to be back in her Mommy's arms.

While I know there are times that I cannot immediately go back to Carissa, God also knows that there are times when He cannot make us come back to Him. There has to be a period of waiting. But when we are finally reunited with God, He is sure to love on us. He wants us to know that He will never leave us. We can trust Him to be there for us.

Restructuring Life Priorities

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Proverbs 19:21 (Missie's Remix)
"If you follow God's plan for your life, there will be detours from what you planned."

Once upon a time, it was my dream to be a physical therapist. I went to World Changers one summer and God said, "Nope! I want you to go and be my hands and feet to youth and children." Following his calling I was led to Campbell University in North Carolina -where, consequently, David decided to go as well. I worked diligently on my undergrad and was able to receive my Bachelor of Arts in Religion and Christian Ministries with honors.
Amidst all this studying, David and I felt God calling us to take a further step in our relationship and become husband and wife. In my mind, there was no reason that I could not be a student and a wife at the same time. So I made plans to continue with my education to work on my Master's of Divinity. I thought for sure this is what God wanted me to do.
Little did I know ... God was already putting his plan in motion. I was still working at Samaria Baptist Church when we got married, we were living in Angier, and we were both in school. I thought we had it all figured out. But then October after we got married, my body reacted horribly to the birth control that I was on. The birth control actually caused my body to mimic pregnancy symptoms. This was the first time we had ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby sooner ... and knowing that it was a real possibility for that to happen. Even after my body finally started stabling out to normal, we continued to think about this possibility of a baby in our lives. After the birth control fiasco, my body ended up skipping an entire cycle. Was I pregnant? Why wasn't I having a period? Why were the tests negative? What's wrong with me? (All of the funkiness birth control caused my body to go through, I feel God used to allow us some time to think about what our lives would look like with a baby and how we would manage.) We finally agreed that if it was God's will for us to have a baby we would have one ... and we decided to leave it up to God. After we found that peace with God ... we waited.

*Interlude*
While we were dealing with all of these thoughts, my work life was going through changes! I had been working part time at Samaria Baptist Church as the Minister of Youth and Children. But they were having financial problems and decided to let go of a couple staff members. At first it was hard to deal with ... but I decided to look for something better. (Little did I know at the time, but God really had his hand in all of this.) From things I hear through the grapevine, I'm glad we got out when we did. My plan after losing my job was to look for a full time job. I heard from a couple churches ... including an email from this one church looking for a part time position. I didn't prioritize that email at first because I was looking for a full time job.
*Back to Story*


And then, lo and behold, I decide to test again ... and voila! The little plus sign immediately appeared! Could it be? Are you serious? Oh my goodness!! Is it really happening?! Because I had already found that peace with God and I knew that David and I had already talked about the possibility that this might happen, I was able to see that plus sign without any feelings of turmoil! A smile crept onto my face and I was stoked! I was going to be a mom!! Ever since I was a little girl I always had that special touch with little babies and little kids. I always dreamed about the day that I would have my wonderful husband ... and my beautiful children. And all of a sudden my dream was coming earlier than I used to plan! Obviously ... God's plan was different than mine. But hey! He knows best, right?
So, the reality continued to sink in over the next 9 months.
Knowing that I would be a mom ... a full time job didn't seem so feasible anymore. And then one day I got this call from a church ... the same church that sent me that email a few weeks prior looking for a part time Minister of Youth and Children. The funny thing about this offer was ... they were calling to request my resume ... and to set up a meeting. They were given my name from a member of Samaria and decided to contact me first! So God was setting up forces beyond my control. I decided to meet with them and everything fell into place! It is a great place for us ... esp starting a family!
We also realized that we should start looking at a more permanent home for us to have a family. So we bought a house closer to Raleigh where I worked ... and David was able to transfer to the Clayton store.
I thought I had everything figured out. I took the fall semester off from Campbell when Carissa was born. Then I would return in the spring. I would take 9 hours. And just take my time through school. I knew I didn't need my degree until my kids were older, as I didn't plan on working full time until they are all in school - and I want 5 kids, so it will be a while! David and I worked our schedule so that we didn't have to put Carissa in daycare and we had everything worked out for when we had classes.
What I did not plan on was the undesire to do any work at home - or the lack of time. I really tried to make things work. I was getting by with good grades ... but I knew I could do better. I finally hit a brick wall halfway through the semester. I knew I needed to rethink things when I couldn't sit down and write a 4 page Book Review or a 4 page Reflection Paper. (Especially when I used to be able to sit down and write a 10-15 page paper without a second thought!)
I struggled for a while with my options. I was never one to quit something - especially school. I prayed. I talked to David. I talked to my mom. Both of whom reassured me that they support me in whatever I decide. I was joking about "Dropping Out" and David said, "It's not so much that you are dropping out as restructuring your priorities."
How right he was! That statement helped me to refocus on God. Before Carissa, I was set in living my life. Yes, I thought I was doing what God wanted ... but it had been a while since I stopped to check with Him. Obviously, giving us Carissa and a new job and a new home should have made me stop and check in with God to see if I was still doing what He wanted. Having a child changes everything! My life is no longer just about me ... or even about David and I. It's about raising our daughter to be a Child of God. I think long ago God made it the desire of my heart to be an active caretaker and teacher to my children. It became obviously clear that there was no way for me to be a productive student and the kind of homemaker that I felt called to do at the same time - at least not now.
As soon as I decided that God wished for my priorities to become more focused on creating a Godly Family, this undescribable peace came over me! It's amazing when you experience truly knowing you are right where you are supposed to be. And it takes such a weight off when your priorities become aligned with God's plan!
So I am making a detour from what I orginally planned ... but it's okay because I'm following what God has planned for me!