***Welcome Home, Kathryn Elena***

One journey has come to an end, and another is just beginning!
We are very excited to announce the birth of our second daughter, Kathryn Elena. She was born on Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 9:39pm. She weighed 8lbs5oz and measured in at 20.5 inches long. She is absolutely perfect in every way.
The following is Kathryn's Amazing Birth Story!! :)

Starting around 37 weeks my body began to practice for labor. I began nightly regular contractions that were usually gone by morning (although still managed to keep me away at night despite taking Tylenol PM). I was so sure that she was gonna come a little early like her big sister Carissa did. (Carissa was born at 38.5 weeks). 38 weeks comes and goes. I had a couple nights that contractions were strong enough to make me time them and even consider whether or not to call the midwife. Of course, I ended up falling asleep before calling and they were gone or irregular by morning. I just knew from how the contractions were feeling that something had to be happening, so at my 39 week visit, I requested to have my cervix checked. I was 2cm, and really soft.
Saturday night June 5th, I felt like contractions were starting to pick up again (as usual), but surprisingly they never left or became irregular by morning time. I began to wonder in the back of my mind if we were getting close to being real this time, but didn't want to get my hopes up. Went to church, out to lunch, and walked the mall for a short while. The contractions were getting stronger that it was really starting to bother me to walk and talk. The drive home they seemed to still intensify yet and were coming often. I decided to lay down and drink water at home and time them. They came every 5-6 min consistently for an hour. So I called the midwife. She had be take a bath and try to rest and call back in a couple hours with an update. After taking a bath, and doing a couple other things, I laid back down to time contractions again. They were now coming every 4-5 min. I called the midwife back and she had me come in. By the time we got there contractions were coming every 3-4 min.I was 3cm, 25-50% effaced, but baby was still high. My midwife gave me a shot of morphine to help me sleep through the contractions since I hadn't been sleeping through them. By morning, I had made no cervical changes - but baby had dropped to 0 station! It was promising progress ... but her head was still a little off to my right (much like her sister!)!
So we were sent to breakfast and to walk, and did all kinds of exercises to convince my angel to move her head over a little bit. Contractions were stilllllll every 3 min, couldn't walk or talk through them. Walked about 3 hours and came back to find out I made ZERO change! I was starting to get really worn down.
They decided to send me home to wait out early labor, and gave me a prescription for Ambien to help me sleep through contractions. Of course, my next question was: "okay, so how do I know when to come back in because obviously painful contractions every 3 min wasn't my cue". At this point I had not had any bloody show (midwife said I was super soft on the outside of my cervix but the inside was still firm). She said that having bloody show would be a good sign that the inside of my cervix is making progress. So off I went to return home.
So Monday night and Tuesday I tried to stay busy and walk to keep encouraging Miss Kathryn to decide to put her head in position. Finished each day with a nice relaxing bath and Ambien to help me sleep. Well, the bath and Ambien worked Monday night, not so much Tuesday night. By this point I was forcing myself to walk and talk through contractions just so I could get through a day without stopping every 3 min to deal with the contractions. (Of course, this was no easy task.)
Wednesday June 9, 2010 .... The day all the early labor came down to. This is the story I will love to tell over and over. This is the day that made all the practice contractions and early labor contractions worth it!
My mother-in-law came in town Monday night to help with Carissa. She has a friend in the area who has a grandchild Carissa's age. So we met them for lunch and a play date at the park. It was a hot day, but Carissa was thrilled to be at the park (poor girl has been deprived since Mommy was too pregnant to try and take her to the park by myself). Well, she decided to be independent and climb all kinds of things with drop off edges and other things that made Mommy's heart jump. And she even got stuck going headfirst down a slide. Needless to say, Mommy ended up following to help her along. Yes, the day before my due date I was climbing a playground, crawling through tunnels, and even going down slides. I am sure it was quite the site to see (I do have a couple pics for proof haha). We figured maybe having fun at the park might be the thing to encourage Kathryn to come. We left the park around 2 and boy did my contractions change. I don't know how to explain the change, just that they changed.
We got home, put Carissa down for a nap, and I "napped" between contractions for a bit. Around 4:30 that afternoon, I went to the bathroom and had bloody show. I called the birth center, and waited for the midwife to call back. Talked to her around 5:30. She decided to go ahead and have me come in to be checked. I called David at work, and he came home and we left for the birth center. Along the way, my contractions got even stronger. In fact, they felt much like the contractions I had with Carissa around 6cm. I was hoping that was a sign of progress.
Got to the Birth Center at 7pm. I was STILL 3cm ... but was 90-100% effaced. Baby was still at 0 station, but I had a bulging sack of waters. They don't normally admit patients until 4cm, but she was afraid that that bulging sack meant my water could easily break soon and she was afraid I'd go too fast to get the antibiotics for group B strep. So I got admitted. I hydrated so they could find my vein and give me an IV by 8pm. Over that next hour my contractions got SO strong and I started getting hot and cold and feeling much like I did during transition (8-10cm) with Carissa. I was getting really discouraged thinking this was how it was gonna be all night and that I was just being a big wimp about the pain. Got my IV in on the first try (yay!). And David suggested I try to change positions and maybe walk around a bit. So I did. I was able to manage the contractions okay standing but the unbearable pain was in my hips and legs. I just couldn't stay on my feet anymore. So I got back in bed. Around 9:20pm, my water broke. Within a few minutes I started feeling urges to push, but I thought I must be having trouble knowing what my body was saying. There was just no way I went from 3-10cm that fast. The urges got so strong that I could no longer NOT push. I made David go get the midwife. She came in and checked me. I was 9 cm. She said to push the next time I had the urge while she felt what my cervix did. I pushed and she said "good. we're gonna have a baby." I was in complete disbelief!! I began pushing, and I heard comments about her head full of dark hair, then almost there, was told to do half pushes, and then told to look. Next thing I knew they were handing me my gorgeous baby girl!! 19 minutes from the time my water broke she was completely delivered! I was only at the birth center for 2.5 hours and went from 3-birth!! (And no tearing worth even stitching!!) No wonder the contractions were horrible, and I was not being wimpy after all. All that "practice" paid off.
My first thought and words were "She's so tiny." To which, the nurse and midwives laughed saying that she is a big baby. But compared to my 32lb toddler, she is so little!! :)
After her cord was cut, they took her to weigh her - 8lbs5oz. Then while I delivered the placenta and got sat up, David got to have some skin to skin with Kathryn. Once I was ready, I took her back for our skin to skin and first nursing session. David handed her to me in a cradle position; and while trying to adjust her comfortably and get a good look at her, I passed her in front of my nipple and she lunged for it - latching on first try. I had not had her in my arms longer than 15 seconds and she'd already latched herself on! She was hungry from birth and a natural nurser! Once she latched she nursed on each side back and forth (per her demand) until 4am ... minus a couple Mommy-demanded breaks for potty and food.
Things are just perfect! Carissa loves her quite a bit and we are so happy to have a beautiful family of 4! :)

*My Sweet Family*

Where has the time gone? 2010 seems to be flying by in a hurry!!

Today is my sweet husband's 24th birthday! It's so hard to believe that we were both 14 when we met almost 10 years ago!!! When I met him in July 2000, I honestly never would have thought that in 10 years we would be so happily married, completely in love, raising one smart and beautiful daughter, and about to welcome our second precious daughter! It is so amazing to think about how far we've come and to see God's hand through it all.
Yesterday, we were talking with David's mom about when she gave birth to David and Jonathan. David had been in the birth canal and the plan was for him to be born first, but Jonathan pushed his way through so he was actually born first. But the plan was that the firstborn would be named Jonathan.
So they started saying things that I would have actually married Jonathan - who would still be the same person with a different name. So weird. BUT then the thought occurred to me that things may not have turned out the way they did if that were the case. World Changers 10 years ago, we were assigned certain crews randomly based on names. So DAVID Gunter was put on the same crew as me. Had the boys been born in a different order and been given opposite names, I would have been on a crew with the opposite brother. Soooo .... even back at BIRTH God had his hand in it to make sure that 14 years later I would be paired up with my wonderful husband! :) Amazing isn't it?

Our sweet Carissa is growing smarter and smarter everyday. I have lost count of the words she says, and I can't keep track of how many new words everyday she picks up. She tries to say almost every word we ask her to say, and she says so many things with meaning! It is so wonderful to be able to communicate with her. She blows me away!

• Currently she can NAME and IDENTIFY correctly her: head, hair, ear, eye, nose, mouth, teeth, tongue, cheeks, belly, arm, fingers, hands, belly, knee, toes, foot, back, bum.
• She has become fascinated with letters. We've been reviewing "A B C" lately. She can say them all, but not quite able to pick them out all the time yet. But she LOVES them!
• She absolutely LOVES her baby "Sissy, Katie"! She gives her kisses and pats. It is so precious. I can't wait for her to be able to meet her in June!
• She is learning "please." Although, it either comes out "pee" or "peez." Anytime we tell her she needs to say "please" first, she does. But if she wants a bite of whatever we are eating, she will come up and say "peeeeeez." It melts my heart!
• Our little girl has become a fearless daredevil. The world has become her playground. She climbs on everything, wants to go down the "sliiiiiii" by herself, climb the stairs by herself, etc. Although, there are times where she knows she needs help, and she will stick her hand up to us and say "hand!" so that we will hold her hand to help her!
• She has become Mommy's Big Helper! She loves to push the Swiffer around; help me push the laundry basket to the laundry room; put the clothes in the basket, washer, and dryer; unload the dishwasher; put ice in drink; cook; clean up etc. Whatever it is she says "help help" and proceeds to help Mommy or Daddy! Love it!
• 
• She loves to "play"! And we have to "play" with her. She will come and grab our finger and say "play" and drag us to her toys and pull us until we sit down with her. Of course, if we are unable to drop what we are doing to go "play" at that moment, and her attempts to pull us fails, she will let go and try to pull our other hand. I guess apparently if one of our hands doesn't work, the other is supposed to. Toddler logic is absolutely adorable! :)
• Her favorite past times are puzzles, books, coloring, play dough, playing with babies, teddies, balls, slides, playing "ousii' (outside), and dancing!
• She loves "choo choo"s, "mouse" (Mickey and Minnie), and all animals and the sounds they make.
  

I could go on and on. I am quite proud of our little munchkin and love to brag on her.



In other news, we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our precious Kathryn Elena Gunter (aka Katie)! I was quite confident from the ultrasound in January that she is a girl, but something about these hormones kept making me wonder "hmm ... what if it was wrong? what if we do all this girl stuff and she turns out to be a boy?" Those thoughts have been put to rest! Since then, our little girl showed her parts to the world in an ultrasound so I am 105% sure she is a girl!

Which is a REALLY good thing ... because our nursery is pretty much set!! :)



































I still have much to do, but I am loving the way the nursery looks!!
Now that the "big projects" are done, I can work on catching up on everything else in my house that has gotten behind due to exhausting myself with big projects. My goal is to have the house caught up soon, so that I can work on keeping it up. I am hoping to not start out life with 2 kids being behind on housework! :)

The closer we get to due date, and the more fun I have with Carissa, the more excited I am to have two sweet, silly girls!! I am really looking forward to watching them grow up together and become two peas in a pod! :) As we are quickly approaching the end of this pregnancy, I am able to learn Kathryn's patterns already. While there have been aspects of this pregnancy that have been different than with Carissa, the two girls' activity patterns are identical! Both of them had active periods around 10pm-3am. They both liked to lay with their head in my left hip (although Kathryn has decided she needs to snuggle much lower than Carissa did), and kick my right side. I do hope though that Kathryn decides to move her head out of the hip and into the birth canal long before I've been through 4 days of labor (unlike Carissa!). She has already started on a 2 hour sleep/wake cycle. I notice she is active for a little while, then rests, and is active again in 2-3 hours. I didn't pay much attention to the time with Carissa, but once she was born that is the cycle she had herself on. Both of them had some vicious kicks and were/are very active during their active times. While sometimes it is somewhat painful or uncomfortable, I love every minute of feeling and watching my insides be turned into a punching bag!
I just know that one day my life will be so full of excitement having 2 nonstop active little girls! I look forward to tea parties, dress up, and sleep overs!
Although, I think Daddy is going to be in for trouble! He already is wrapped around one little girl's fingers ... just imagine when he has two wrapping him tightly around their little fingers!! :)

Yesterday we were able to go for a 3d/4d ultrasound. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience and loved watching our little Diva on the screen!! She already knows how to smile and pose for the camera ... practicing for when she is born! :) She showed us so many facial expressions... including pouts, mad faces, a devious face, smiling faces, and her sweet resting face! Looking at her features compared to Carissa's newborn photos, it is safe to say that they will look a lot alike. I would not be surprised if one day the two of them are mistaken for twins. :)















































































It is hard to believe that I will complete my 29th week tomorrow. Anywhere from 8-12 weeks left - WOW! This pregnancy definitely flew by! I am looking forward to June.

In final news, please continue to pray for us as David is STILL searching for a job. He has had some interviews and prospects that seemed like great opportunities, but sadly was turned down due to "not enough experience." Someone, somewhere has to be willing to take a risk on someone with little experience so he can gain more experience. I know God has something in store for us, but it does get hard to wait without knowing. I guess that is what faith is all about!

Psalm 25:5 (New Living Translation)

Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.

~Counting down to Baby Girl #2~

I apologize to all who check in on my blog often. I am sorry that I have not been as diligent as I should to keep you all up to date on how the wonderful things happening! (As you see how long my posts are, you will understand why I have put off sitting down to write. As much as I want to write, I know it will take me more time than I have to write!)

I am now officially working on my twenty-third week of pregnancy. We've made it to the top of the hill for our halfway mark, and now we are making our trek down the hill for the last half homestretch. I absolutely cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going by. I have mixed emotions about how quickly this is going by. Part of me wants it to keep passing by so I can be that much closer to holding my precious little baby, but the other part of me is saying "slow down!!" I want to cherish every moment of this, and I feel I have SO much to do to be ready for D-Day!

Since I posted last we did find out the gender of our growing bundle of joy. Most everyone reading this will already know the results when you read this, but for the sake of journaling I will write about it anyways. :-D
Other than the crazy morning - I mean - all day sickness, everything about this pregnancy has been so different than with Carissa. Everyone swore it was a boy and I finally gave in to that same notion. But I still wanted to think about girl names, just in case. We went for our big ultrasound on January 12th. It is still so amazing to me all the things we can see. The lady was super nice and explained everything we were looking at. We saw all the little organs working properly, the fingers, toes, legs, arms, spine (vertebrae by vertebrae). Heart was beating a strong 150+ bpm. She had previously asked about whether or not this was our first, and if we had a girl or boy already. It had been hard to tell what we were looking at on the screen until the lady told us what we were looking at. But at one point she asked us if found out what we were having with our first, and if they showed us a picture of it. As soon as she asked that, I looked at the screen and immediately saw the 3-lines indicative of the girly parts that I recognized from having Carissa. Without question I said, "It's a girl!" before the tech even had a chance to type "It's another girl!"
The funny thing is I don't remember feeling surprised about it at all. I did laugh and think it was hilarious that everyone swore it was a boy though.
David said he was surprised at first ... but the first thing I remember him saying was "Well we definitely have to try for three now." Although, now that I question him about what he really said first, I do recall that he said "I'm being outnumbered!" first. And then a little later he said we have to try for three so we can get a boy. :)
We are both super excited about having another girl! It is going to be SO great for Carissa to have a little sister close in age. She already loves her little sister and knows she is in Mommy's belly. And of course, I think she is definitely starting to notice that mommy's belly is protruding a lot more lately! :)
Because we had a boy named picked out since before Carissa but not another girl name, we had to decide on a name. My great-grandmother (our kids' great-great-grandmother) is still alive, and her name is Elena. Her grandmother has that name, and her granddaughter - my mom - has that name as a middle name. I am thinking it also goes back another generation, but I can't remember accurately. But it occurred to me that it is my turn to use that name if I were to keep the tradition going, and my Mema pointed it out to me as well. We decided that if we used it we would use it as a middle name. We had such a hard time finding a name we liked to go with it as a first name so we toyed with looking at other names. We narrowed it down to a few, but none that we felt like were just that "perfect name." David is a lot more picky than I am, and one morning he got out of the shower, came out, and said, "I thought of a name to go with Elena." As soon as he said that and it registered that he said "...with Elena," I just knew it had to be "it" because of how picky he is. So I asked him what it was and he said "Kathryn Elena, and we can call her Katie for short." Hearing that name I just knew it was perfect. So we are proud to say that our second precious little girl bears the name Kathryn Elena. I want to use Kathryn and Katie interchangeably. I don't want to only call her Katie though. (My parents only called me Missie unless I was in trouble, and actually got to where I HATED being called Melissa - I obviously like it now haha.) But I want to use both names and let her pick her preference to tell her friends and teachers etc. The more and more I use the name, read it, or hear it ... the more I love it.
We have taught Carissa that her name is Katie (it is easier for her to say) and it comes out as "Kay-E" or "Kay kay." She wakes up looking for "Kay-E" and has to pat my belly. She has to show other people "Kay-E" and even gives her kisses. It is so precious and I just know she is going to be a great big sister!
Now that know our little baby is a girl named Kathryn Elena I have become much more motivated to prepare for her arrival! We have a three bedroom house. Our third bedroom used to be our "office/study," but we moved our desks out to the living room area and that room turned into a "storage/junk room." I finally got motivated to clean out that room. We've decided to have a yard sale so that we can declutter our house! It's been very refreshing to see the progress and to think about how much better it will feel having a house that feels more spacious after getting rid of stuff we don't need. (Anyone in the area wanting to shop at our yard sale, come on by on March 6! :)) We also were able to buy Kathryn's bedding! It's so cute and exciting! It will be various pinks and purples with ladybugs and butterflies! We can't really do much else in that room until after our yard sale though because we are storing the yard sale stuff in there for now. Can't wait to paint and set everything up. My goal is to have our entire house decluttered before the yard sale, and then to have the nursery painted and set up by the end of my second trimester. I don't want to be trying to do a lot of work during the third trimester, but it is my hopes to stay on top of keep everything else organized and clean during that last trimester so I am not starting off behind on house work when Kathryn arrives. So I have until March 6 to declutter my house and I have until March 18th to have the nursery set up.
I have already gone through all of Carissa's old clothes, washed all four loads of laundry we are keeping (ranging in size from nb-9month), and folded and put them all away. Feels great to have that accomplished. Also helps me know what kind of things we still need. I am really looking forward to being able to get things to help me organize the nursery!
Oh yes, and we bought a pretty little outfit for Kathryn to wear when she comes home (Daddy picked it out! :-D). We bought a little baby for Carissa to give Katie when she first meets her. And we bought her first box of NB diapers! :) We are trying to think about buying a box of diapers for Kathryn every time we have to buy diapers for Carissa.

On another note, this precious little baby has been making herself so much more known! Her little flutters I was feeling the last time I posted are now full on soccer kicks!! I told David I think we are working on creating a girls' soccer team! She is very very active. I feel her move about off and on throughout the day, and at night around 10-11 - when I relax for the night - she really begins her late night party habits. I absolutely love feeling her kicks .... although I would rather them not hit me square in the bladder or ribs, but I still smile. She stretches out from my ribs to my bladder, and moves all around. Sometimes she is moving more up higher, and sometimes down, sometimes right, and sometimes left. All over! It is also neat feeling her press against my belly so much that if I press back I can feel her (not sure if I am feeling her bottom, head, etc) but it is definitely her. I can usually feel her for a few seconds before she moves away.
She has finally started letting Daddy feel her, although he still has somewhat of a calming effect on her. There have been a few nights that I make him lay with his hand on my belly so she will calm down so I can fall asleep. :)
I am definitely feeling more and more pregnant, and am starting to get to used to hearing other people comment on my being pregnant. It doesn't bother me when others comment - in fact, I think I beam when they do because I love that others know I am pregnant! It used to surprise me when people commented because I wasn't used to hearing others recognize I was pregnant!! :-D With Carissa, I think I had a watermelon belly ... but this time, it is completely a basketball all out in front. I love my belly!! It is so cute and I feel so cute being pregnant! I have also been told that I really "glow" when I am pregnant. I had someone I was talking to stop mid-sentence to tell me that because he couldn't help but notice it. I think I was meant to have babies :-D and therefore, pregnancy looks good on me! (The picture to the left was taken at 21wks2days.)
Right now I am definitely at the "honeymoon" of pregnancy. And this is the time of pregnancy that I remember most in between pregnancies. It is my favorite time ... slightly uncomfortable but not TOO uncomfortable, still able to do most everything, feeling little one move around, and done with all of the nausea!!! :-D Although ... I do not enjoy the frequent sudden urges to potty from my sweet girl kicking my bladder, or the feeling that I need to go immediately after I just went because KatieBug is sitting on my bladder!! But before I know it, all of this will be history and I will have two bouncing little girls filling my house with joy! I simply cannot wait! From how active Kathryn is now, I have no doubt that she will be just as active as Carissa - and she is a ball of energy and always has been! It will be so much fun having my two girls!! :) I am so in love with being a mom to daughters! :)

~Illumination~

Usually when a person sees the "light at the end of the tunnel," it is supposed to give them a good feeling, a sense of accomplishment, motivation to keep going, that extra boost with confidence that they are almost there - right?
I started to see that light. As I registered for classes for Spring semester, I calculated up and had a potential graduation date in mind. Yay ... almost done.
But since registering for classes, I feel God has been opening my eyes to things and giving me a lot to think about.
Right now ... where I am now ... I feel like that "light at the end of the tunnel" for me did nothing but illuminate on the fact that I am in the wrong tunnel.
Forgive me if a lot of this seems all jumbled up in my thought processes, but I will write as things come to mind. This is all something that has been weighing on me for about a month now. I have bounced my thoughts off of David to think my process aloud - also to make sure it was not just these pregnancy hormones :-D

Let me back up and begin with my calling ... better yet, let me begin before my calling. The summer before the 8th grade and the first couple months of the 8th grade, my siblings and I spent 3 months in foster care. The first 2 weeks we spent time in a shelter that was affiliated with the First Baptist Church there, and through that I met the family who later became my permanent foster family - a family I still keep in touch with today.
Years later, the summer before 12th grade, I went on a mission trip and got to mentor the four "bullies" of the week (4th and 5th graders). I began sharing with them some of the things I've been through with my parents fighting, the divorce, foster care, etc. And I was able to share with them how through all of that God stays with us and will help us through. One by one they began to open up and share with me some of the things they've been going through (much similar to what I went through). Through this experience and for about a month after that I felt God calling me in to the ministry ... more specifically, I've often felt God calling me to work with children and families, especially foster children.
As a result of this calling, I pursued an undergraduate degree at Campbell University in the field of Religion and Christian Ministries. While studying in this field, I began working as a Minister of Youth and Children in the church. When I began working in this field, I knew it would not be what I would be doing always ... but didn't have a specific idea on where I was going or how I was going there.
In many ways, I feel like Abraham. God told Abraham to start going, God will guide Him, and God would let him know when he got there. I feel like God told me to go, and that He is still guiding my steps, and I have not yet reached my destination - and I have no idea where this destination is or what it even looks like. But I trust God completely.
As I finished up my undergraduate degree, I had the opportunity to double dip my last semester as my first semester in the Divinity program. I never took the time to stop and evaluate what I wanted, what the future held, and honestly - if this is even what God wanted. All about this same time, David and I got married and then I dove full force into graduate school with a full load. I did well, but decided to take a few less hours the next semester. The beginning of the next semester we were blessed with the wonderful news of our precious Carissa's conception! Needless to say, this semester moved to the bottom of my priority list. On top of it all, I was let go from job due to financial restraints on the church budget and found a new job doing the same thing at a different church around the same time I learned I was pregnant. And then were faced with whether or not to renew our rental agreement for another year, or find a house to buy. We chose the option of buying a house!
Everything happening so fast, not a lot of time to breathe and think. I made it through 2 of the 4 classes I started that semester. I took the next semester off to welcome our new baby girl into the world, and decided to try minimum full time classes the following semester. I made it halfway through the semester before I hit my brick wall! (http://gunterlife.blogspot.com/2009/03/restructuring-life-priorities.html) The blog link here is when I decided to put school on hold.
Over the summer, I found some sense of balance in my life as a Mom and minister, and decided to add school part time. I chose two classes: 1. Making and Equipping Disciples and 2. Biblical and Theological Foundations for Children and Preschool Ministries.
I worked hard throughout the semester to keep up school on top of everything in my personal life. I struggle though because I feel horrible having to work on homework instead of spending preferred time with Carissa. But if I set homework aside to spend time with Carissa all day, I am wiped out and exhausted to the point of being unable to do my work adequately.
I thoroughly enjoyed both of my classes, the content, and my professors. But due to everything on my plate, I hit a point where I became physically unable and unmotivated to do anything. I guess I became so emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually overwhelmed that I became physically drained. (And it certainly did not help that I was in my first trimester during all of this!)
Aside from just the aspects of what I had to do piling up, it became much more than that. It seems the more I learned in my classes, the more I was able to fine tune my own belief systems and understandings that has left me feeling disillusioned with common church practices. It has also left me feeling like I'm not doing what I've been called to do. More and more I feel my job at the church has become just that - a job. While there are so many aspects about it that I love and am quite passionate about, more and more of my job is consumed with the politics of how churches are run - including pleasing others to keep them in attendance. I mentioned my disillusionment to someone who also attended seminary in the past, and she commented that it is very common for seminary students to become disillusioned, but you get to a point where you accept that's just how it is, etc. I accepted that at first. But now, I've gotten to a point where I feel like if I'm not being the disciple that Jesus has called me to be, the church isn't making disciples the way it is supposed to be doing, and we just aren't being the Body of Christ the way Christ taught us to be .... then WHY accept that it is the way it is? Why do I walk on eggshells to keep from offending someone? Why do I have to make minor changes instead of the larger ones that need changed for fear of losing members? Jesus never once accepted that "that's just how it is" and moved on. He took a stand against it. He never walked on eggshells. In fact, Jesus called for a dramatic change in practices!!
The more I think about all of this, the more I realize that as a part-time "minister" I will never be a change agent in a church. I do not have the influence or the time that would be needed to be invested in order to help transform a church into being the Body of Christ that it has been called to be. If I remain a part-time minister, my job will be simply that ... a job. Something that I do to bring an income into our family. I will have to deal with the politics, and the programs, and the administrative things ... but the more soul-searching I do ... the more I realize that my Spiritual Gifts just aren't meant for this.
In all my classes and studies, every time we've discussed Spiritual Gifts and how we can use them in ministry I've always came up with the same thing. My three top gifts are Hospitality, Teaching, and Exhortation. And I've always applied them to ministry in a church ... but that's where it gets sticky. I can fit these gifts perfectly into a church setting ... but as a minister of youth and children, I lack the administrative gift that is required to deal with the politics of church.
More and more and more lately though, I have found intense passion and desire for wanting to be a stay at home mom. To me, that is one of the greatest ministries God could ever ask me to take part in - to raise my children in a loving Christian home, teaching them to become disciples of Jesus Christ. WOW! And then, I start thinking about my gifts and how I'm supposed to use them for God's glory. And then it hit me! Hospitality IS homemaking ... isn't that what a mother does? Teaching ... every day I am constantly teaching Carissa new things! Exhortation ... it is my truest desire to encourage my children to become the best that they can be. How perfect! I've always known I was going to be a mom. And now I see that God suited me with 3 fantastic gifts to use to be a great mom.
To say all of this does not mean I've lost my desire or feelings that I've been called to work with children and families - especially foster children. This does say that through all my studies, thoughts, and understandings, I've come to realize that we are called to a ministry and just because I feel God has called me to a specific ministry, doesn't not mean I am constricted to performing that ministry within or from a church.
Through all of my thinking, talking, praying, and soul-searching, my deepest desires and understandings for where God wants me right now (even if this is not my final destination as I have plenty more years ahead of me if God decides to guide my paths a different direction again!):
The scenario I see playing through at some point in the near future consists of me being a stay at home mom (which of course means David having a job that compensates for my lack of income), us attending a church as a family where we feel supports our views and understandings of what we want our children to learn and be a part of (ie. being a part of the worship time, etc), and I can find ministry opportunities that I can volunteer with (ie. something working with foster children, etc). I want to simply do the ministries, not lead and organize them.

So what does all of this mean now?

As of now, looking at my new understanding of where my calling is leading me, I don't need this degree I am currently working on. I wish I had done some of this thinking before I decided to start the degree, but I know God has used everything to teach me things and I know I am a better parent because of it. (The two classes I took this semester, while making me disillusioned with working in a church, they have helped make me a better person in Christ and given me a better understanding of what kind of parent I want to be to raise my children to be followers of Christ.) But beyond the fact that I know God can make the most of my situations and will teach me things through it all, I don't feel He wants me to finish working on this degree - at least not in this chapter in my life. I have no idea if later on after kids are grown He will decide it's time for me to get this degree and get a full time job in a church where I can make a difference, but that is then and this is now. For now, I feel working on this degree has become something different entirely. I am not sure what though. It's become a matter of proving something, and I don't even know what I'm trying to prove or who I'm trying to prove it to. I've already completed one college degree - more than my family has done. Maybe it's my sense of "you finish what you start." I really don't know. But I do know that is has lost it's spot as a priority for me, and yet when I am taking classes they have a way of creating havoc if I don't make them a priority - and havoc if I do.
I finished this semester ... learned a lot ... but I still feel the way I did last March. So if I am still feeling the same way, maybe this is another sign it's not what I am supposed to be doing. I already feel weight and stress with just having Carissa while trying to do school, and Spring I will be more and more pregnant anticipating the arrival of Lil G .. and after that I will have 2 little ones who will need my time and attention and I will NOT want to give any priority to school.
Feeling strongly that I will not need this degree anytime within the next - oh - 15 years, what motivation is that supposed to be to make me finish now? By then things I am learning now will be different because our culture will have changed again. I am 98.9% sure I will not be returning to school indefinitely. I want to be able to stay home with my children and not stress about classes that aren't applicable.
As for my job, (any church members who happen to be reading this), please do not think I am making an rash decisions any time soon. While I do not feel it's what I am to continue doing to follow my calling, it is where I have been placed by God for now. I will continue to serve to the best of my ability until God shows me that it is time to leave. For now, I am financially dependent on my job - as I make more part time than David does full time at his job. Someday, when David finds that fantastic career that provides financially, then I will seek out God's guidance and will not leave the church up a creek without a paddle. I care deeply for the people of my church, and always want the best. I continue to trust God as He shows me where I am supposed to go, and when I'm supposed to take my next step. Right now, my next step is to erase "student" from my life job description. Knowing this, I already feel like a physical weigh has lifted off of me and I feel relieved. These are signs that I am doing what God wants.
Please continue to pray for me as I seek God's guidance and follow what I understand to be His leading. Please pray for my family as we still "patiently" wait for the right job to fall into David's lap and have been waiting for almost a year now (since May if you count when he officially got his degree).
As I consider my plans and God's plans I am constantly reminded of Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." So as I may have made all of these plans back even before I got married, as God blesses me in other ways I am reminded that what I planned may not be what God had planned for me. And if I trust Him, His plans will prevail!
As I have been struggling over all this, and yes losing sleep over it -which is why I am still awake!, I was also encouraged by another scripture passage.

"Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like ...the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Ps 37:3-7

*Life Within*

I am quite ashamed that I am almost 4 months pregnant and have yet to write any entries to journal this wonderful experience.
First trimester seemed to fly by a lot faster than it did with Carissa. I am sure it had something to do with the fact that my days were filled with the entertainment of keeping up with a toddler. Morning sickness has been rough; but between keeping up with Carissa, school, and work, I asked for a prescription of Zofran after spending a couple of days throwing up. I have a high tolerance for pain, but boy do I have a hard time when it comes to queasiness and vomiting.
We had our first prenatal appointment and our first ultrasound at 9weeks4days. We were too early to hear the heartbeat, but we could see it beating away at 175 bpm on the ultrasound. So fabulous to see life within.
Morning sickness is on it's way out. I still have days that are harder than others and it is still a juggling act with eating every couple hours, drinking plenty of water, and of course getting enough rest. Hopefully soon I will be nausea free!
My bump popped quite early with this one! And despite all the talk of twins from wonderful Facebook followers and family, I stand by my intuition (and the first ultrasound) that there is only one little one growing inside of me and my body just remembers what to do from being pregnant not too long ago. It is funny for me to already be feeling like my belly is getting in the way and prohibiting from certain movements, feeling uncomfortable already - especially at night, and to see my belly button already working on popping out!! All of these things didn't start happening until the second half of pregnancy with Carissa!
One of the neat things that has happened earlier than with Carissa is feeling the little flutters! They are still not consistent, but when they happen ... it makes my whole day. There is something so nice about relaxing in the evenings and feel like I'm having my own private play date with the precious baby growing inside of me. I can't wait to feel more than just taps and flutters, and I really look forward to when we can all feel the baby from the outside. I especially cannot wait until Carissa is able to feel it!
She is so precious with giving her "smooches" to "baby." I can't wait to find out what we are having so we can begin calling my belly by a name other than "baby" - especially since "baby" is her baby dolls, or any other baby she sees.
Speaking of learning gender ... our magic date is currently set at January 12th - providing Lil G is cooperative! :)
The going vote around is that it is a boy. I was trying to not give into any thoughts, but I am beginning to think it might just be a boy. I am carrying a little different than with Carissa, other things have been different (including cravings ... with Carissa I craved salty things a lot, and this I've had more of a sweet tooth ... and I am not a big sweet eater in general), and I had a dream in which I had a vision of the baby and it looked like a boy.
But either way, I will be extremely happy. I still have my reasons for wanting either gender! :)
Our second prenatal appointment was this past Monday at 14weeks4days. We finally got to hear the wonderful sound of a strong healthy heartbeat, beating away at 150 beats per minute. My uterus seemed to be bigger than the midwife expected. I guess we will just have to wait and see how I continue to measure through the rest of the pregnancy. I also found out that I have Group B Strep in my urinalysis ... which means I automatically will have to receive an IV of antibiotics during labor.
I had the same thing with Carissa, and was really hoping to go IV-free this time. But the nice thing is I will get a dose of antibiotics, and then they disconnect the IV and just leave the "heparin lock" in my arm so I still have all the mobility that I want or need during labor. And with the IV I'm allowed to walk it around if I need or want to. My only request this time is that the most experienced person on duty puts the IV in. With Carissa the student nurse tried putting it in. I am a complete supporter of allowing students to participate and have experience to learn. BUT my veins seem to run away every time I have to get an IV, and it was NOT fun having some poke me and try to find the vein 100 times while I am working on contractions that were coming every couple of minutes. Not fun at all. (At least my breathing techniques helped me deal with the pain of needles stabbing me lol)



I cannot believe that I have already almost completed 4 months of being pregnant and only have 6 more months before we get to welcome a new member of our family into this world. We are super excited and looking forward to another uneventful wonderful pregnancy! :)

The picture taken here is of me at 14wks2days pregnant!! About the same size as 22 weeks with Carissa :) I love my bump though!!
I just love being pregnant!! (If only there was a way to not be nauseous!)

Catch-Up

I feel like this is all I have been doing lately - playing catch up. My last posts on here were from before I began school for the semester ... and sadly, I didn't stay as balanced as I would have liked. So much has happened between then and now; and through it all, I must admit that I have been doing some soul-searching thinking and will hopefully eventually be able to write this all out. My catch up process may take a few blog entries ... so please bear with me. Most of you reading this stay sort of up to date with me on facebook, so I won't spend a whole lot of time in the small details ... until I get to the soul-searching that has been neglected from the pages of Facebook.

AUGUST
I had found balance in my life and felt confident to pursue another semester in my career as a student. I decided that I would not be over ambitious, and so I only took 2 classes - 5 credit hours. It was a wonderful decision, anymore and I very possibly would have crashed and burned - again.

SEPTEMBER
Busy busy month!!
Schooooool ...
Key events from this month:

Zoo Trip
September 19, 2009

The weekend of Carissa's birthday we made a trip to the North Carolina Zoo in Asheboro. A group from our church went, but it was very exciting for Carissa's first trip to the zoo to be two days before she turned One!! :)
She thoroughly enjoyed looking at the animals. Anything that had wings and a beak/bill was called a "duck" ... she growled at the bears and lions. But I think her favorite were the baboons. She was very excited about them.
It was a great day and I can't wait to take her again. I say it would be a great tradition to start taking her every year around her birthday :)

Carissa's First Birthday
September 21, 2009

What an exciting time!! Our baby girl hit the big milestone of hitting one year of age. Wow time flies. It has been a very exciting year and we've loved every minute of having this precious child in our lives. Celebrating her birthday was the perfect opportunity to celebrate her life and what she means to us. She has changed our lives so much, but has made our lives so much better. I would never ask for things to have been any different. Celebrating her life makes me so satisfied, content, and extremely happy to be a mom. God blessed us so much when He began forming this little life inside of me and He continues to bless us every day with the opportunity, responsibility, and joys of teaching this little girl and watching her grow into a beautiful, happy, smart little girl.
The day before her birthday we had a low-key party at the park down the street. A couple of her little friends - Kaelyn and Charlie - came and their families, and then family members. The very special part of her party was that she had her Great-Great-Grandmother there, two of her Great Grandmothers, and one of her Grandmothers there. There are not many people who can say they had that many "Greats" at their first birthday party. All in all it was a great day!

Our Big News
September 28, 2009

Most who follow my blog are already aware of this news, but there is no way I can leave this out of my recap of my busy busy month! After a wonderful week celebrating the life of our precious Carissa, we were blessed with the wonderful news that we will be blessed again with a second child. Our Carissa will be a big sister! What a great way to end our busy busy month! We are extremely excited as we anticipate the arrival of our second bundle of joy.

OCTOBER
Full of school work, school work and more school work.

We had our Trunk or Treat at church this month. Was a lot of fun. Carissa was a pirate ... I was a clown and did balloon animals for all the kids. While I thoroughly enjoyed my time, I would have loved to have been able to enjoy it with Carissa more.

NOVEMBER
Schooooool ...
Highlights:

My 24th birthday
November 24, 2009

I am now officially in my mid-twenties! Wow. A few days before my birthday, I received my early birthday present from David and Carissa - my brand new camera! :) I knew I was getting it because David dropped and broke my old one. The night before my birthday I took a break in my homework and had a birthday dinner with my two favorite people at Ruby Tuesday. The day of my birthday I spent the day playing with Carissa and my friend's little girl, Kaelyn, finishing my book review, and going to class.

Thanksgiving
November 26, 2009

Due to David's wonderful job in the world of retail, we left for Virginia Wednesday late afternoon. We spent the night at David's parents' house, and enjoyed a nice Thanksgiving lunch with family. That night, David left to head back home :( so he could be at work dark-early Black Friday morning. Carissa and I remained in Virginia to spend another couple days with his family. Carissa, David's dad, and I slept in Black Friday while David's mom and Sarah, his brother's girlfriend, woke up at dark-early to go shopping. We met them around 10:30 for brunch did a little shopping at Toys R Us, but that was really the extent of shopping for me. That evening we went to David's cousin's house for a "Day After Thanksgiving Dinner." And then that Saturday, David's mom brought us home.

DECEMBER
Finals in school ....

Deck the Halls
Getting ready for Christmas.

Since the end of school, my days have been spent
cleaning, laundry, cooking, decorating, shopping, and of course being Mommy.
Essentially, now that school is over I've been catching up on my life.
Now that you have been caught up on the highlights,
I will get around to writing more thought specific blogs.

~Bite-Sized~

It's amazing to me how we try to get through life via leaps and bounds. Many times we are guilty of biting off more than we can handle. I for one always seem to take on more than I can chew. And it always ends the same: I get overwhelmed, I get sick, and it takes me twice as long to get back on my feet!
This has happened to me more times than I can count. In fact, I am just now coming to the end of one of those "getting back on my feet" periods. It feels wonderful right now though. I feel balanced, I feel structured, I feel confident. But I have to be careful to not fall into the same pattern though.
Carissa has taught me many things! Oh how I love her! But watching her eat is so neat. She has her little pudgy adorable fingers, and she picks up the food she wants to eat and puts it in her mouth with intentionality. But because she loves food so much, she is bound to stick more in her mouth than she can handle. That is why, as her parents, we are responsible for breaking it up into little ~bite-sized~ portions for her, and continuously observe her to make she doesn't put too much in her mouth. How similar is that to how I take on more than I should? The only thing is I don't have someone cutting my "food" into ~bite-sized~ portions.
But I can learn another lesson from Carissa that can help me keep from taking on more than I can handle. Carissa is now to where she is learning how to walk. But getting to this point has been a long but exciting process. She wasn't born being able to walk. She first had to learn to hold her head up, then had to learn to roll over, to sit up, to stand while holding something, to learn the concept of taking steps while holding on, and now she is sometimes able to take 2-3 steps at a time without holding on. She is still learning how to find her balance, and until she does she will not be able to take off walking. But she is determined and she will learn when she has it all figured out. But there is a reason there is a cliche called "Taking baby steps." :-D
Thinking about this as I am about to embark on yet another semester in my seemingly life long career as a student, I am reminded that I cannot take on a full load without first mastering my lighter loads. And most of all, I cannot fully "walk" without first finding my balance. I hope to hold onto these ~Bite-Sized~ lessons as I try to master being Mommy, Wife, Melissa, Minister, and Student! :) But Carissa's perseverance gives me motivation and hope! :)